But there weren’t fireworks or explosions.
It wasn’t me kissing Rome.
Wasn’t love supposed to feel this way though? Safe. Wasn’t a relationship supposed to be about give-and-take and feeling comfortable enough to do all those things?
At one point, I’d thought I’d loved Jimmy for that very reason. A young girl’s mind gets murky around a man pushing her to be an adult.
Bastian’s worshipping me was much more innocent. His fingers massaged my lower back as he tilted his head to pull away and whisper to me, “You’re beautiful, Katie. So beautiful you could stop the world.”
My heart clenched at his words. Beauty had gotten me this far. It’d made men trip over me, made them come to my door in the middle of the night while their wives slept. It’d also given me what I needed to survive.
The beauty was part of the broken side of me. Did he see the cracks? Did he see the shattered pieces, or was he just fixated on how my beauty could shine?
My mind wandered. Bastian’s stare was bright on me, but Rome’s had always been dark. That man only saw my jagged edges, the ones that were so broken he thought I was a lost cause inside. He saw the ugly under the beauty. Still, he wanted me.
Maybe that’s why I wanted him too.
19
Katie
Bastian backed away from me after he saw my face. He stared at me with this inquisitive look that seemed mixed with a little fear. I taunted him a bit, telling him to deliver the goods and the home run.
He shook his head no and told me to get ready for a night with my friends.
Our relationship was wobbling on a balance beam, and neither of us knew which side we wanted it to fall on. He’d started to become my friend, and I didn’t have a lot of those—not men, at least. If we were going to continue down this road, the lines needed to be clearer, and I was sure he felt the same.
I let my curls fall loose in the shower and air dried them after. I pulled on a cut-off sweatshirt that hit just below my breasts and some matching pants. It wasn’t a night for me to go all out. It was a night to chill, to try to relax with those that supposedly wanted to be around me.
Or it was a night I needed to feel comfortable in my clothes because everything else was going to be uncomfortable.
The first knock at the door had me jumping.
“There’s wine cooling in the cellar, Katie. Go pour yourself a glass before you scare away your friends.” Bastian waved me off before going to answer the door, and I walked through his kitchen to the oak barn door that led to a cooled cellar.
The air was crisp, the brick walls lined with expensive wines, and I was a fish out of water. Wine had never been my strong suit. Hard liquor, I knew. Not knowing what to pick, I grabbed a red one and shrugged. Then I threw two more under my arm because alcohol was going to be needed.
I reentered the kitchen to find my friend, Brey, standing there with her massive husband, Jax. His arm was draped around her as he glared at Bastian.
“All I said was that your wife looked nice tonight.” Bastian leaned against the island counter and folded his arms across his chest.
“You know better than to look at her,” Jax threw back at him.
Brey shimmied out from under his arm. “He never gets out,” she said as she took a bottle from me and then hugged me before I could back away. “I never get out either, so just indulge me.”
I rolled my eyes at her. “How’s the little monster?” I asked. Brey had the baby a few months back, and after we all got to see and hold her, their family basically disappeared. They were overprotective and in love and completely content in their little bubble.
I didn’t blame them. I didn’t aim to pop it either. Brey and I were the type of friends who could go a year or ten years without seeing one another and still drop everything for the other if need be.
“Good. She’s a little tyrant, that’s for sure. She wants to go everywhere with me and never wants to leave my side. I tried to leave her to go to the center for a few hours, and Jax showed up thirty minutes later with her screaming and a look of terror on his face.”
I laughed. “I guess that girl is just like her daddy. Neither of them can be away from you for too long. Anyway, I’m sure the kids were happy to have them there.” Brey owned a center near a reservation that housed kids in need. We’d all visit once in a while, but Brey put her heart and soul into her work there.
Brey nodded as the doorbell rang again and Bastian let Vick, Jett, and Rome in.
“Look who my hubby and I found in the elevator!” Vick announced as she pointed to Rome.
He smiled at her antics because no one could hate the bubbly side of Vick if they tried. It exhausted and excited you all at the same time.