I knew why. It was because I wasn’t at all frightening. Instead, I was the one panicked.
I needed to stay away from Rome; I needed to keep this relationship with Bastian separate from my friends. I didn’t want to be in front of them with my feelings all mixed up.
I stormed down the hallway and grabbed a pillow to throw at Bastian.
“What the hell, Katie!” he yelled as his fruit went flying.
“You planned a freaking party without consulting me.” I threw my hands up. “What happened to I’m your guest and you want to make me feel comfortable?”
“I thought having your friends over would make you feel comfortable.”
“Why the fuck would that make me feel comfortable? I’m basically staying here to bait a goddamn government deal and bait my ex into slipping us information about it. Now, I’m going to have to pretend it’s something more.”
He sat up. “It’s not? We kissed a few nights ago.”
I stuttered at his assessment. “I’m sorry. Do you want it to be something more?”
Something shifted in the room. The fun we normally had slid over to allow questioning to roll in.
“I’m not sure, Katie.” He narrowed his eyes and looked me up and down. “I enjoy you, that’s for sure. I know another man does too. He’s supposed to be the man who will give his life for me, though. Rome is supposed to be my brother, woman. We need to find a balance.”
“So you’re throwing us all together.”
“What better way to figure out how we all work than to get us in the same room?”
“It’s absolutely ridiculous,” I replied and stepped back as Bastian unfolded from the couch and walked toward me.
“I’ve never seen you look so uncomfortable. Everyone who is coming over here is everyone who cares about you,” he pointed out.
I took a deep breath, knowing that was exactly why I was freaking out. My dad had cared about me. I was okay with one-on-one care. I did that fine. Having a best friend from high school stick around as long as she had proved my point. Brey and I had gone through a lot together. She didn’t know my whole story, but she didn’t need to either.
No one did.
And I didn’t need any more than one person who cared about me in the same room. The idea had me itching. I checked to make sure I didn’t have hives.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I mumbled.
“If it makes you feel better, I won’t bite that sensitive spot on your neck when Rome is looking,” Bastian taunted with a smile, but there was question there too.
Were we toeing a line we shouldn’t be? Playing too close to the sun?
“I don’t care what you do in front of Rome.” I scoffed at the idea.
“You do.” Bastian picked at imaginary fuzz on my shoulder. My body didn’t heat at his touch the way it did with Rome. The low sound that escaped my throat as I shifted away from him was frustration.
Bastian tilted his head. “You told me you needed to figure things out, and I’m trying to do that too. I’m trying to figure out what you want, Katie. I’m not sure I can, because I don’t think you know either.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes. “Why can’t we just move on, Bastian? If something else happens between us, then so be it.”
“I think it’s because I could really fall for you. I could really rule an empire with you too. We’d make a fascinating and devastating team.”
His words were like warm caramel poured onto vanilla ice cream. Enticing, delicious, and not good for me at all. My mouth watered at the idea of what we could be, of what I could be with him, of having a partner that was good to me but that I also controlled.
We stared at each other’s lips, and I wasn’t sure who moved in first.
We kissed each other for a minute, taking in the feel. I moaned at the sensation. It felt good, great, so soft.
Safe.