CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
AUBREY
SOMETHING about the night with him was perfect. Every part of it was ours. We’d owned one another. I’d felt his highs and his lows. He’d fucked me and then made love to me.
He’d made me feel ravaged and then like a treasure.
I wanted to box the night up, put it in a safe and go back to it every time I missed him.
And I would miss him.
Very much.
Because today, I knew we were over.
I slid out from under his arm and made my way quietly to my closet that morning.
I pushed all the clothes aside until I got to the black dress I’d worn for my mother’s funeral.
Black bled all the colors together, dark and ominous and full of everything. I applied a heavy eyeliner to match the dress and took in the end result.
I'd barely gotten ready in silence while the man I loved slept in my bed. I'd left my hair mussed from the bed, lips bruised from the night, and cheeks flushed from knowing what we had done.
My dress tightened enough at the waist that my breath felt a little shallow before it flowed out to accentuate that I was in fact a woman, not a girl anymore.
My eyes burned boldly green against the makeup. They were the only color that stood starkly out.
I looked at Jax one last time; took in the way he swallowed up the room even while sleeping. That presence, that infallible magnetism, and that boldness that radiated from him couldn't ever be compared to anyone else. I knew I was walking out on the one man I'd never be able to get over.
Yet, as I took in his sun-kissed skin and his dark hair, his full lips and his sculpted chest, I knew that I'd never, ever find the strength to walk away again and do this on my own.
And I did have to do it on my own.
I'd faced my father for years with my mom as a shield.
I had to face him alone now.
Jax would try to shield me. I didn’t want that.
I'd done the proper thing, the right thing, things for everyone else for far too long.
I quietly made my way out of my apartment and texted Rome that I needed his truck to see my father. He met me outside with his keys.
No questions. No words.
He handed them over as he stood there in his sweats and then pulled me in for a hug. After kissing the top of my head, he turned back to our building and let me go.
The drive lasted as long as any drive would of that length. This time I didn't dwell on memories or conjure up walls and barriers. I just focused on the road, on me, and on who I’d become without him in my life.
The past few months with Jax had changed me. I'd changed me too. I had more trust in myself. Confidence. Determination.
As I pulled up to the same building I’d been to the day before, I focused on getting through the gates, not on the cars that had followed me here, on the media I knew had been assigned to my apartment throughout the night to try and get a glimpse of Jax or me or both of us together. Only a few had caught me leaving in Rome’s truck and those few got pictures of me now.
Jax would soon know I was here. Soon, so would the world.
I didn’t focus on that because I was focused on this being about me.
Today, I didn’t come here for Jax or to see my father.