I came because I needed it. This was for me.
After being patted down and following the guard, I turned the corner to where he sat, waiting.
Frank. My father. A tormentor and an enforcer throughout my life. Someone I hadn’t seen in years, yet remembered vividly in all my worst dreams.
The memories had faded but his face, the one that held so much anger and rage, hadn’t.
That face, the one that hardened before he struck my mother, was one I would never forget. I would see it forever. Even if today, his face was relaxed and subdued. He squinted a little as if he was just a little curious, eyes bright and clear from being sober.
He looked older, more worn down, and a little skinnier. His silver hair was still combed to the side nicely, and he didn’t look as bad as I had hoped.
When I sat down across from him, neither of us smiled. We took each other in like we were both a species neither one of us had come across.
Maybe I thought he would start the conversation. Maybe I thought it would flow naturally. Maybe I’d been hopeful. Nothing came out of his mouth though. Nothing came out of mine.
I just stared at the eyes that looked so much like mine and wondered how we’d gotten here. How I’d not come sooner. How he’d not contacted me sooner. How Mom would have felt about it all.
Not that it mattered.
She was gone and it was because of him.
I cleared my throat. “I’m here just this once.”
My voice felt weak, even to my own ears. I must have appeared small, insignificant, and still so young to him. So many times he had overpowered me and made me feel just that way, I couldn’t shake it.
“I’m glad you finally came.” His voice chilled me to the bone. Somehow, it had remained starkly precise and cut through all my thoughts. I wondered if that voice and his mannerisms, the way he held himself to this higher standard, had allowed him to build his company, to maintain it even while behind bars.
I wrung my hands together under the metal table and tried to hold his stare. “There hasn’t been a reason for me to come visit you in the past.”
“And now?”
“Now, I’ve come to terms with how I want to live and it doesn’t include wondering about you or how you feel.” I shifted and held that gaze as I said my next words. “It doesn’t include wondering what you and Jax talk about.”
His eyes narrowed in the slightest, then he broke eye contact to really study me. Study my posture. Study my clothes. Study my hair. I saw him focus on every single detail. I let him.
I didn’t squirm or fidget under his analysis. Never had I wanted to move so bad though. He didn’t deserve to get to take in his own daughter. It wasn’t his right when he’d taken so much from me. Yet, again, I let him.
I wondered if that’s what he wanted or if he wanted to make me feel small, wanted me to shift and show him weakness.
“You’ve grown up, Aubrey,” he finally replied when he was done taking stock of me. He frowned, and the wrinkles that weren’t so prominent years ago on his forehead stood out. “I’m not sure I’d agree with your choice in showing off how you’ve grown up. But you have and …”
I cut him off. “I’m not here for your approval. Quite frankly, I don’t care about it.”
“Don’t talk over me, Aubrey.” His jaw ticked. “I’m your father.”
Those three words.How I hated those three words.
They used to foreshadow so much pain. Today, I’d change the course of what they meant to me.
“You’ve never been a father to me, Frank.”
His eyes widened, but I just shrugged.
“Fathers take care of their children. They love them. They protect them. You didn’t do those things for me. I lived in fear of you.” My heart pounded as words poured out of me. Words meant to hurt but also meant to release me from years of frustration and resentment. “Mom should have left you. I should have run away. We should have told someone or buried your name in truths with the press.”
He slammed his hand down on the table and got a reprimand from the guard before he spit out at me, “You didn’t do any of those things. You did as you were told because that’s what a daughter and a wife does.”
“And does a husband and a father try to light his family on fire?”