“We go back tomorrow, why don’t we plan on you coming over the next day for dinner?” she suggested.
“I’d love that. I mean I can’t believe I’m a dad,” I said, smiling. “This has been a hard day Tinsley, but I promise you something, it’s also been one of the best days of my life.”
“Do you really feel that way?” she asked.
“Absolutely Tinsley. This is my chance to do things right. I want to be there for Lucas in the ways they never were for me. He is never going to question a day in his life how much I love him.”
“Can we take things according to what Lucas wants?” she asked. “I don’t want to rush him into something he can’t handle.”
“Tinsley, you and Lucas are in charge. I will default to whatever you think is right. One thing I will ask is that we get him some counseling. There will be some big emotions he will be working through. He might be excited at first but hurt will come and I want him to have all the support he needs,” I replied.
“I can agree to that. I think it’s sweet you aren’t just thinking of the good times but that you recognize parenting isn’t always easy,” she said.
“Tinsley, believe it or not, being a parent is something I’ve always wanted deep down. And if I’m being honest, I can’t imagine a better situation than getting to raise a child with you.”
Tinsley threw her arms around me just then and I caught her mouth in a soft, sensual kiss. We stood there for what felt like ages, rubbing against each other and exploring one another’s mouths with our tongues.
When we finally pulled away it was as if all the tension of the previous day had finally gone. I stared at Tinsley, the mother of my child in admiration. How did I get to be so lucky?
“What do you say we get out of here?” I asked.
“Sure, what do you want to do?” she questioned.
“I have an idea,” I said, grabbing her hand and leading her towards the door.
We made our way down to the lobby. We couldn’t technically interact as a couple out at the festival but the chemistry between us felt so palpable I felt sure that the entire festival was on to us.
I led her toward one of the vendors I’d passed earlier in the day. It was a jeweler that did engravings on their various pieces.
“Let’s get something, one for me, one for you, one for Lucas. Something to symbolize that we’re a family,” I suggested.
“I would love that. And so would he. You can give it to him when you come to dinner,” she added.
“Great idea!”
We pursued their various pieces and finally decided on matching dog tag type necklaces for Lucas and I and a gold cuff for Tinsley. We chose the phrasesemper familiawhich means always family.
Tinsley instantly put hers on when it was completed. “This is perfect,” she said near tears. “He’s struggled with what it means to be a family for years.”
“These can be his daily reminder that he always has us,” I said. “That we’ll always be his family. That the three of us have an inescapable bond.”
“We really do,” she said with a smile.
—
When we got back from downstairs, Tinsley and I parted ways. I wanted to spend time with her, but she had lots of work to catch up on. I understood. Not everyone got paid to smile and look pretty. She had so much behind the scenes stuff that she was always doing it was a wonder she had time for anything else.
I considered my situation again. I thought about how lucky I really was, getting my first big break after that play, moving to LA. Tinsley was right, a baby would have changed everything for me back then. I knew in my heart of hearts that she had done me a solid. I just hoped we could make it make sense for Lucas.
20
TINSLEY
Utah and the film festival had been so unexpected. It wasn’t at all the way I had wanted things to go with telling Ryan but I was so grateful to have everything out in the open.
I had been protecting everyone, Lucas, Ryan, even myself for so long that I wasn’t even aware of the amount of energy that I’d been using. With my secret out in the open, I finally felt free.
Ryan forgiving me yesterday, his attempts to understand what I've dealt with really eased the rest of my anxieties. I felt like a new person, and I couldn’t wait to get the rest of my life started.