“Sounds like a blast,” I mutter, rolling the candy around in my mouth. “Hawaii. I vote Hawaii.”
Then I’ll get to see August in swim trunks, half naked all the time. He’ll ask me to apply sunscreen to that body of his and we can fuck in cabanas. Plus it will be warm. Fuck the snow. I want beaches and sun. Lots of sun.
Thomas nods and then spreads his arms across the back of the hot tub. “Yeah, we could maybe do that. I’ll have to discuss it with Lisa first, and we can all sit down and plan it.”
“Can’t wait,” I say dryly, but Thomas doesn’t catch on.
No, he takes my responses as an invitation to just sit with us for ages. I’m getting grey hairs and can feel the osteoporosis setting in. Will he ever go the fuck away?
When he finally steps out of the hot tub and disappears inside, I exhale shakily and run a hand over my face.
“Jesus, I thought he’d never go away.”
“Em, he’s actually making an effort,” August says. “I see the way he looks at you and I think you’ve got him all wrong. He doesn’t look at you like you’re gum stuck on the bottom of a shoe.”
I snort. “So how is it that he looks at me then?”
“Like he wants to know you but he’s afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.”
I snort so hard at that I choke on my Jolly Rancher. It starts to tunnel down the wrong tube and I see my life flash before my eyes. My biggest regret: not fucking August into the mattress. God, are there do-overs? I need one.
I pound on my chest and then by some miracle, I dislodge it.
When I finally manage to breathe again, I rasp, “Ah, I almost died there. That’s how fucking hilarious that was.” I clear my throat. “Just so you know, Thomas has had years to get to know me and shit is still the same. I think we’re destined to just orbit around each other until one of us dies. I’ll probably be the first to go….”
August nudges me lightly again and I scoot a little closer to him, leaning my head back and hooking my pinkie with his beneath the water.
“You don’t let people in, Em.”
“Duh. They can’t disappoint me that way.”
He sighs and says, “You should let him in. At least give him a chance.”
“Look, I know you mean well because you just have a big fucking heart, but we did family therapy for a while. And guess what? He stopped going after a year or so. He just stopped showing up. Probably didn’t want to bother with me anymore.”
“Em.”
“Nah, I don’t want to talk about it. It’s okay,” I say, looking away and staring at the white slopes. “I get it. I’m a lot of work. Thomas has his own life.”
“You’re his kid. He needs to do better.”
I shrug and look away, but my heart still flutters uncontrollably when August links his fingers through mine.
“You’re worth it, Em.”
Well shit. He’s always saying stuff that makes me want to sob. I’m not cut out for it. I need to grow a thick outer skin, like some kind of lizard person, so his goddamn sweet words can’t penetrate me.
He’s making me fall for him even more, when I really should be building up some walls between us to protect myself. This is so not going to end well for me.
“I’m going inside,” I blurt, pushing myself up out of the water and grabbing onto a towel, shivering at the sudden temperature difference. I swipe my bag of candy from the ground and then stroll inside, past Thomas and Lisa who are cuddling on the couch. They look at me and I force a small smile on my face.
I move into my bedroom and pull on some dry clothes before swiping my phone from the nightstand and glancing at it.
Lex:Has he told his mom yet?
Me:No. The deadline is tomorrow morning.
Lex:Don’t let him talk his way out of it. Men like him are sneaky.