“Good.” I thew up a hand and left.
I trudged out of the clubhouse toward my home and inhaled the brisk night air. Damn, I was dog-tired. I stopped on my front porch and leaned against the rail, taking a moment. The Big Dipper was visible in the black sky as usual. I loved living in rural Minnesota. It was an outdoorsman’s paradise with things to do year-round and would be perfect for raising the next generation.
Next door was Hero and Tara’s place, then beside them was Boxer and Snow’s home. In two weeks, the construction crew would break ground for Lynx and Jaynee’s house. My uncle Matt would’ve liked the changes on the compound. The row of homes on the south end of the property had aMayberryvibe he would’ve loved.
I pushed off the rail and went inside, locking the door and setting the alarm. My first stop upstairs was Birdie’s room. I listened to her breathing for a minute. This time next year, she’d have either a brother or sister. Birdie had me wrapped around her little finger. I didn’t want our relationship to change, so I hoped Angel and I had a boy.
Angel would tell me to leave her be, but I had to kiss Birdie’s sweet head. Nobody knew what tomorrow would bring.
Once in my room, I stripped out of my clothes and spooned my Angel.
She hummed but didn’t fully wake as she placed her hand over mine. Angel rubbed her thumb against my skin like she sensed how desperate I was for her touch. I couldn’t imagine not having Madeline in my life. I strived to be a better man and father for her and our children.
Burying my face in her hair, I inhaled her scent into my lungs. “I love you, Angel. I’ll never take you or our children for granted,” I promised, knowing how lucky I was to have them.
Tears burned behind my eyes as I thought of Ire and Ava. They deserved the same happiness I had with my Angel and Birdie.
What if…
No.
He has to get his memory back.Too many people would be lost without Ire, me included, but more importantly, I hated to imagine what it would do to Ava if Ire never remembered her.
16
Ava
I entered the suite and slammed the door, needing a break fromeverything. If I didn’t have some alone time, a little quiet to regain control, I feared I’d have another PTSD episode. Anything could trigger me. The rumble of a motorcycle, a loud male voice, or darkness could strike paralyzing fear in me. Then I’d spiral back to the night my life had changed forever.
My episodes usually started as a panic attack. My heart would pound in my chest, and I couldn’t breathe with my throat constricting. Next, my skin would crawl as I heard his raspy voice. It was like it was happening to me all over again. I’d rush to the toilet to vomit, recalling the smell of his disgusting breath in my face and the excruciating pain when he entered me. That vial man had broken me, stolen my virginity. I hated him.
When I got utterly inconsolable, Nana had called Drew to pull me back from the darkness. He’d rush to my house to fight the demons with me when they fed on my soul. He’d call my name in his soothing voice, leading me out of the hell I was in. Drew faithfully brought me back to the present, promising he’d keep me safe. He’d been my light, as I was his. When we were together, our demons were silent.
I swallowed thickly, blinking my tears away.
Drew isn’t here to save me anymore. I’m alone.
No, Ava. Stop it.
I couldn’t disconnect from the world when the love of my life needed me.
Drew was my everything. I wouldn’t fail him.
“Ava? What’s the matter?” Nana peered at me from her recliner. “Is it Drew? Is he okay?” Her questions made me angry. Drew had amnesia. Of course he wasn’t okay. Nothing about this damn situation would ever be okay.
“He’s fine,” I told her because she wouldn’t accept anything else.
“That’s good. Why are you upset?” Nana cared about Drew, but she wasn’t interested in details. She didn’t really want to know what was bothering me. I guessed that ignorance was bliss when a person got to be her age.
“I’m just tired. A shower should help.”
“Mhm. I don’t believe you, Ava.”
I didn’t want to get into it with her. My filters were nonexistent. I might be disrespectful or ugly to her, then she’d throw my mom in my face, telling me I was just like her. As if I had any control over who birthed me…
“I’m just exhausted. A shower will help.” I was nearing the edge of breaking down. The pressure of a sob in my chest made tears pool in my eyes.
Go, Ava. Go before it’s too late.