SAOIRSE
Ifeel like every inch of me is shaking.
I can’t believe, out of all of that, Connor’s promise to throw me onto the bed and pleasure me with his tongue to as many orgasms as I desired was what made me finally call it. But I also know why.
Going down on him turned me on more than I ever thought it could have. And I was very, very afraid that if I let him actually put me on a bed, put his mouth on me like that, see me that closely, I’d beg him to fuck me. I’d beg him to take my virginity, and after what we just did, I don’t entirely trust him not to.
He wants me, I can tell. He’s only holding back because of what my virginity means, what it entitles him to and binds him to all at once—but if he takes it in a London sex club free of vows and a binding contract, he could walk away from all of it.
This isn’t Regency England. My father might try to kill him over it, but Connor has a fiercely loyal gang at his back. He wouldn’t go down without a fight. I know it’s only the honor he does have that’s kept him from doing just that already—teasing me into begging for him and then taking my virginity and walking away.
Deep down, he’s a good man—even if he doesn’t want to admit it. Even if he’s trying very hard to hide it.
So I said the word, even though the idea of his mouth on me the way mine was just on him has me trembling with need down to my core. Even if I’m soaked and aching for more of the pleasure he’s already given me.
When Connor opens the door, I want to take it back, to stay in here longer and experience more of what he has to teach me. Just the memory of the way he looked down at me as he came in my mouth has me hopelessly aroused all over again.
Just as I’d feared, I’d not only learned what it was he was talking about when he’d told me he had desires I couldn’t imagine.
I’d learned that I want them, too.
But I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing just how desperately I want him, so I stride past him out into the hall as if I couldn’t care less that it’s over, waiting as he locks the door behind us.
His hand slides around my waist, down to my ass, and I feel myself clench at the memory of his finger there. I twist away from him.
“We’re not in the room any longer,” I remind him, tilting my chin up defiantly. “You can’t touch me however you want.”
“Oh?” Connor’s eyes glitter dangerously. “Don’t put the high-and-mighty act on again with me, princess. Or did you forget that less than a half an hour ago, I had you squirming and coming until you nearly cried with my finger in your ass?”
I blush bright red. I can’t help it. “You’ll use my name,” I grit out through clenched teeth. “And speak to me with respect,Connor McGregor.That was a one-time thing,” I add coldly, striding in front of him towards the stairs. “It won’t happen again.”
I hate the thought of that, truthfully. I want it to happen again, want all of it and more. Still, Ineeda wall between him and me, a buffer against the frighteningly powerful desire he causes in me. After all, I used the safeword precisely because I was afraid that if I didn’t, I’d give up the most valuable weapon I have merely for more of the delicious pleasure he promises.
“That’s fine,” Connor says flatly from behind me, and as I glance back, he’s smirking as if he truly couldn’t give a shit. “I’ve had plenty of women up there before you, Saoirse, and plenty will come after. I won’t suffer.”
I halt, forcing back the sudden blinding jealousy and anger that I feel, but he sees it in my face. His hands slide up to my arms as we stand at the top of the stairs, squeezing as he pulls me into him again, but not for a kiss.
“What?” he asks mockingly. “You thought I’d play with you a little, discover you could fulfill everything I could ever want, and be yours and yours alone?” He laughs. “I knew you were an arrogant little princess, but that’s rich, Saoirse.”
Connor lets go of me, stepping back. “What we did tonight was nothing, Saoirse. The tip of the kinky iceberg, as it were. You have no idea the ways I would debase and debauch you if I had the freedom to do anything I pleased with that delectable body of yours. And itisdelectable. I won’t deny that you pleased me or that I’ll happily take everything else you have to offer, if I choose to accept it. But you’re not that special, Saoirse.” He chucks me teasingly under the chin. “And you’re horribly transparent, at that.”
He pushes ahead of me down the stairs, and I feel my blood boil, all of the pleasure receding as my frustrated anger with him flares up anew.
“You’re not that special either, Connor McGregor,” I shoot after him. “Just because you’re a dominant asshole with a big dick doesn’t mean I can’t find someone else to make me come like that. In fact, I’m glad I went up there with you tonight. It just means I’ll know what to ask for when I take those lovers you promised me I could have.”
I think I see his shoulders stiffen at that, but I can’t be sure because he just keeps walking away from me, all the way down the stairs.
---
We don’t say a word to each other on the ride back. I try to ignore the way my chest aches as I wrap my arms around him on the back of the bike. The heat of his body seeping into mine and the now-familiar scent of him filling my senses as we speed back towards the hotel, the wind whipping madly around us.
I could fall for this man. I could fall for all of him—his arrogance, his handsomeness, his dominance, his stubborn, infuriating strength. Together, we could rule like no other couple who has ever led the Irish Kings, a true king and queen in a way that Boston’s crime world has never seen.
I could match him, strength for strength, if he would allow it.
But that’s not what he wants. He wants a trophy wife, a broodmare, like every other man. He wants to have his cake and eat others out too.
And for that reason, Icannotfall in love with him.