“No,” I say flatly. “And it wasn’t here before I came back last night.”
“Luca told me he wanted your things brought over,” Ana says quietly. “I thought it was strangely—nice of him. But he must have added all of this too.” She pauses. “Are you—going to sleep with him tonight?”
“I made him promise we wouldn’t,” I whisper. “That it would just be a marriage of convenience, not real in that sense—” I look at the silky white nightgown in front of me, short enough to graze the tops of my thighs, edged in eyelash lace with lace cutouts at the waist. It’s beautiful and fragile and expensive, the kind of thing any bride would dream of wearing on her wedding night.
When I turn around, Ana is looking at me disbelievingly. “And he agreed to that?”
“Originally, yes, but—”
“Sofia.” Her face is very serious. “If you don’t sleep with him, your marriage can be annulled. You know that, right? If he changes his mind about keeping you safe, if Rossi pressures him after the fact, he could make your marriage disappear just by admitting to that. Hell, if the Bratva got their hands on you again, you’re more valuable if you’re still untouched—” She looks slightly pale. “Sof, just sleep with him once. You’ll be so much safer.”
“I can’t,” I whisper, shutting the closet door so that I won’t have to see the dress. “I just can’t.”
“Do you not find him attractive?” Ana cocks her head sideways. “Do you not want him like that?”
“I—” The memory of last night sears its way into my brain again, the memory of his fingers intruding where no one else’s ever have, the way he stroked me until I was trembling, shaking, desperate for more. The feeling of him trapped between my thighs, making it so easy to imagine the way he might feel sliding inside of me. He was so hard, so thick—almost frighteningly so, but it had turned me on, too.
“You’re blushing.” Ana narrows her eyes. “Because you do want him, or because something happened?”
She knows me too well. “Something happened,” I mumble. “Last night.”
“Oh my god.” She grabs my elbow, steering me towards the bed. “What?”
“I wandered off from the rehearsal dinner, and he was angry when he found me. He thought I was leaving. He said I embarrassed him—so I guess maybe he wanted to humiliate me, too? He brought me back here and kissed me—”
“And?” Ana prods. “You can tell me, Sof, I’ve told you so many things I’ve done. I’m not going to be shocked.”
She’s right, of course—she’s shared the dirty details of so many of her hookups gleefully, right down to their dick size—or lack thereof—and the weird things they did or wanted to do in bed. ButInever have before.
“He bent me over the couch and touched me—” I wave a hand vaguely below my waist.
“Did he make you come?” Ana stares at me. “You’ve really never done more than kiss before, have you?”
I’m blushing furiously now. “No,” I whisper. “And no. He got me close—and then he stopped. He wouldn’t let me.”
“What a dick,” Ana mutters. “But that’s a hell of a way to get his point across, I guess. What else?”
“He—” I can’t even form the words. “He finished, on my—on me.”
“Oh shit.” Ana covers her mouth with her hand. “I mean—normally I would think that’s kind of hot, but without asking, I guess—no, I’d still think it’s kind of hot. But for you—”
“I was just embarrassed,” I whisper. “Maybe it would have been different if he’d stayed afterwards, if he’d made me…come…too, or acted like he cared at all. But he just walked off. Left me there bent over the couch with my dress up and left as soon as he’d finished. Like a used sex toy or something.”
Both of us are very quiet for a long moment. Ana looks at me sympathetically. “I don’t think he knows how to do anything else with a woman, honestly. From what I’ve heard about him, he’s been fucking and discarding women all over Manhattan since he was old enough to get boners.”
“So you see why I don’t want to sleep with him,” I say dryly.
“Don’t want to? Or won’t?”
That really is the question, isn’t it?“Won’t,” I finally admit. “Of course I think he’s gorgeous, Ana. He’s the hottest man I’ve ever seen up close. And he knows what he’s doing when it comes to—” I bite my lip, trying to push the memory of last night out of my head.
“So why?”
“It’s the only thing I can keep,” I whisper. “I can’t finish my education. My plans for my life are gone. I live here now—soon I’ll live in an apartment he chooses for me. I have to marry him, obey him, act like I’m happy to be his wife in public—all so that I can live. So I don’t have to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. The only thing I can control is whether or not I sleep with him tonight.”
Ana chews on her lip for a moment, looking over at me. “That makes sense,” she says finally. “I’m sorry, Sofia. If I could think of any way for you to get out of this—”
“I know.”