But what if wediddo that? What if we swallowed the risk and headed for the hills without worrying about the lives we left behind?
Zoya wouldn’t have anywhere to go. I blink slowly, studying the way Liya observes me, how her features soften with the afternoon light creeping around the dark curtains.Felix would kill her and her father. My Bratva would fall apart. Everything would crumble.
The realization is so alarming that it almost feels like I’m falling off the side of a building.
But Liya and I would be free.
No more miniature battles leading up to a grand war. No more bloodshed. No more looking over my shoulder every thirty seconds to make sure the men behind me are still behind me and not planning my assassination.
And Liya—she could have a full-term pregnancy without any stress. The only things she would need to worry about are her feet swelling up and what type of birth she wants to have. Natural, induced, water? There are so many options for her. So much that could actually goright.
And yet, so much that could go wrong.
My curiosity fades into staunch defeat. “Yes, I mean that.”
“How long have you been thinking about that?”
“Not long.”
She licks her lips nervously, tentatively reaching for my hands. It hurts to see her hesitation. I reach the rest of the way, sitting up so my knees and forehead are aligned with hers. I have to slouch to match her, but it doesn’t bother me in the least.
It’s the least I can do to level with her.
She takes a shaky breath and then swallows hard. “Is this something you really want?”
I gave her hope.
And now I have to take it away.
I close my eyes and exhale while squeezing her hands.Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that.
But there’s no use lying. If I could sweep her away from here, I would.
I really would.
“You would be…” She trails off while thinking and then shakes her head. “God, you would be betraying your Bratva and everything that it stands for. Could you really do that?”
She’s right to ask. It’s weighing too heavily on me now, sending me toward her. I almost want to disappear into her arms, but I don’t want her to bear my weight. Not entirely. She needs to be held, too.
She runs her fingers through my hair and pulls me into her arms before I can stop it from happening. Settling into her breasts shoots me full of the kinds of endorphins I get from getting off. But it’s different. It’s more distinct.
Because it’s not sexual at all.
I mull back through the prompt: can I forsake everything I’ve ever known?
“Maybe,” I whisper as her thumb trails over my ear. I adjust my shoulder and slide my arm under her, more than happy to use her as a pillow right now. “Maybe deep down, Idowant to get away from it all.”
“It’s a hard life, Pavel. You’ve been shaped and molded by this.”
I sigh. “I know.”
“This is hell, Pavel. I don’t know how you can stand it.”
“I’ve never known anything else.”
She cups my face and urges me to look at her. “But what if you could? I mean, you could really get involved with your family—withus.” She looks down at her stomach with a wistful smile. “We could make it out of here alive and actuallyliveour lives.”
“It’s an appealing thought.”