“I don’t understand,” I said, confused. Getting to my feet, I wanted to learn something.
Anything.
Balthazar had done so much for me, and I wanted to give him something, to repay him for his kindness. I didn’t know much, but this I knew. I could do this for him. Yet, he didn’t want to. “Maybe Grimm was right,” I muttered mainly to myself as his words kept playing in my mind, never letting me forget that I would never be good enough.
“What did you just say?” Balthazar asked firmly, leaning forward.
“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”
Balthazar got to his feet and grabbed me by the shoulders before he asked again. “What did my fucking brother say to you?”
“He told me to stay away from you. That I didn’t belong with you. That I was going to get you killed. He is right. I’m not smart. I don’t know anything. I’m not good for you or anyone. I never saw a movie before until the other day. I never wore jeans before until Remi gave me hers. I know nothing of politics, the entertainment world, books, music, I know nothing. I’ve been sheltered my whole life. I was raised to service only one man. I didn’t know anything about money or how to use it. I’ve never owned a phone, a computer. I don’t know anything. I’m useless, just like my Uncle said,” I cried.
The next thing I knew, I was in his arms. He was holding me as I cried into his chest, Balthazar whispered. “Don’t worry about what my fucking brother said. He’s an idiot. As for that other shit, you will learn in time. I will help you.”
Sniffing, I looked up at him. “Really?”
“Yeah, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Can we start right now?”
“Sure, baby. Whatever you want.”
“Then let me ease some of your burdens. Teach me to fornicate.”
Balthazar groaned, lightly kissing the top of my head. Stepping back, he sat back down on the couch, placing his head in his hands. Kneeling before him, I whispered. “Can you not teach me?”
“It’s not that baby,” he moaned.
“Do you not want to?”
He sighed, leaning back rubbing his hands down his face. When he looked at me, I saw something different in him. Desire. Want. Need. He wanted me. I knew he did. I could see his manhood straining against his jeans. He was aroused. I understood that much. I may not know the worldly ways, but I knew when a man was aroused.
“God baby, I want to, but not like this. Your vulnerable right now. Everything is confusing to you. I won’t complicate matters by fucking you, no matter how much I want to.”
I didn’t know where my courage came from, but before I could think about it, I placed my hand on his crotch. His body stilled instantly. Gently rubbing, I felt his thickness beneath the jeans he wore. “The two will become one flesh. So, they are no longer two, but one flesh.”
“Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” He finished, and I smiled as I asked. “How can what God decreed be wrong? Is he not the creator of all we see?”
“Baby, it’s not that simple.”
Slowly moving up his body, I placed myself against his chest and whispered, “Then teach me.”
“We can’t do this,” said Balthazar. “You’re too innocent. This isn’t right. I’m honored. Really, I am, but I’m not what you need.”
I stopped dead in my tracks. I was embarrassed. Mortified. Getting to my feet, I stepped away from him and whispered, “You’re right. I'm sorry. I don’t know why I thought.”
I walked over to the bed and sat down, needing to put distance between us.
What had gotten into me? I was a brazen jezebel! Balthazar has never led me astray. He was kind to me. He saved me. Helped me when I couldn’t help myself. And then I go and throw myself at him. What was wrong with me?
We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, and then I couldn’t take it anymore. “Balthazar, can I ask you something, and you be truthful?”
He grinned, turning to me. “Always.”
“Have you thought about me before, in that way I mean?” I asked inquisitively. I could feel my cheeks getting flushed and my core between my legs starting to twitch.
There was a long pause before he finally responded. “You’re a beautiful young woman Ari. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t noticed, but you’ve been raised a certain way your whole life. You know nothing of what it means to fornicate. Only what you were taught. But it’s more than that. For instance, the real world calls it fucking, sex, making love. Fornication is just the act. But to the real world, most of us believe it’s more.”