Returning to my book, I tried to understand what I was reading, but nothing was making sense. Yet as I continued on, and the more I read, I felt my body getting hotter. I had so many questions about what I was reading, yet looking at Balthazar, I didn’t want to bother him. It was bad enough he was saddled with me when I knew he’d rather be anywhere else. Instead, I continued to read. That was what Remi told me to do, and I was going to do it. I needed to learn as much about the ways of this world as I could. I knew I was a fast learner, and if books would help me, I would read every book I came across.
“What are you reading,” Balthazar asked, leaning against the counter, taking another drink of water.
Flipping the book over, I said, “Myra’s Temptation. An Introduction into the Seductive World of BDSM.”
The glass fell from his hand, shattering to the floor.
Curious, I asked, “What is BDSM?”
Balthazar gulped. “Where did you get that book?”
“I found it on the table.”
“How much have you read?”
“I am on chapter five. It’s rather confusing, but there are parts in this book that are very descriptive.”
Balthazar walked over to me, took the book from my hands. He closed it, then walked over to the front door and threw it outside. Slamming the door closed, he turned, then started to pace the small cabin as he mumbled to himself.
“What is wrong, Balthazar?”
“Nothing.” He growled.
“Did I do something wrong? Was I not supposed to read that book?”
“No. I mean yes. I mean no, not that book.”
“Remi told me to read every book I could find. She said I would learn everything I needed from them.”
“Well, not that book.”
“Why?”
Balthazar stopped pacing and looked directly at me. “Because that book is all about sex!”
“You mean fornication, right?”
“Yes, fornication. What men and women do.”
“But that book had two men fornicating. Is that not allowed?”
“Whatever trips their trigger. It doesn’t bother me.”
“Is that what’s wrong? Do you need to fornicate with a man?”
“HELL NO!”
“Then why are you upset?”
“Because I want to fornicate with you!” He shouted.
And just like that, everything in me stilled. He wanted something that I didn’t know how to do. I’d never done such a thing. I’d seen it done but never participated in the act itself. I was a virgin according to God’s law. I was taught to save myself for my future husband, not that I ever imagined having one. Yet, seeing Balthazar now, I wondered what it would be like to fornicate with him. Would I like it? Would I please him? I was raised to please and serve my husband. It was what I knew. I could do it. I knew the mechanics of it. I was at least taught that much. Though I was still confused about how to please a man. I understood what went where.
I never thought about fornicating with anyone before. But being with Balthazar, I felt comfortable with him. He was kind to me. If my body were needed to ease him, I would be willing to do so. I knew my body was a vessel for men. I had been told that my whole life. I just never met a man I wanted to share myself with. Yet, being with Balthazar, I knew I would try for him.
Looking at my hands, I whispered. “You can use my body. Though, I don’t know what to do.”
“Ari, look at me,” He sighed, sitting down beside me. Doing as he asked, I waited. “I know things are confusing for you, and my outburst didn’t help. Ignore what I said a minute ago. I’m just frustrated right now. I have a lot of things on my mind, and that book didn’t help.”