22
I must’ve fallen asleep while I was writing because this has to be a dream.It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve imagined her when I’m working on lyrics.All my songs have been about her in some way, shape, or form.But if it is a dream, I don’t want to wake up.As soon as Jo’s lips touch mine, I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her tight against my body.My mouth covers hers, and on a groan, I lick the seam of her lips seeking entrance.
When she grants it, I know I’m definitely dreaming, but fuck, it’s the realest dream I’ve ever had.She feels so good in my arms, better than any other time I’ve imagined her.
She gently pulls back, and I reluctantly let her go.
“I don’t want to wake up,” I whisper, knowing from experience I always wake up when she pulls away.
She frowns, and then her eyes soften.She rubs my cheek with her thumb, and I lean into it, my gaze still locked on her, afraid if I blink for even a second, she’ll disappear.
“You’re not sleeping, Tristan.This is real.”
My heart batters against my rib cage, and my eyes dart back and forth between hers.Thishasto be a dream.
She’d never kiss me for real.
But the longer we stand there, the more I start to believe her.
“You’re really here?”
“I am,” she says.
“You kissed me.”
There’s a faint blush joining her small smile, her eyes crinkling at the corners and making my heart pound even harder.“I did.”
“Why?”My voice breaks on the word.There are too many emotions coursing through me.
Her eyes trace my face while her thumb continues to rub small, gentle circles on my cheek.“Because I wanted to,neededto,” she whispers, angling her head and moving up on her tiptoes again like she’s going for another kiss.
But I’m not caught off guard this time and grab her biceps, gently pushing her away from me.“No,” I say, my heart cracking more with every breath.I can’t stand the thought of her kissing me because she figured out I’ve been in love with her this whole time and pities me.That’s almost worse than loving her in secret.
She frowns.“What’s wrong?”
I bark out a sarcastic laugh and then step back, my hands resting on the top of my head while I try to get myself under control.
“What’s wrong?”I ask her, pacing back and forth in an attempt to release some of what I’m feeling through movement.“I don’t want your pity kiss, Jo.”
I try to ignore the hurt in her eyes or the fact that she looks like I just slapped her because it goes against every fiber of my being, but I continue, planting my feet in front of her and staring her in the eyes.“Nothing has to change.”
Her eyes dart back and forth between mine.“How can you say that?I can’t miraculously go back to believing you’re just being nice, or doing everything you do for me because of who I was to Robbie instead of who I am to you.I can’tpretend, Tristan.”
I swallow hard, my whole body sagging as my world comes crumbling down around me.I’m going to lose her for good now.I won’t even get to be her friend.
“Tristan?”she asks, taking a step closer to me, her hand out as she slowly places it on my arm.“What’s going on in that head of yours?”
I shake my head.
“Let me in, Tris.Please.”
“Don’t you realize I’ve already let you in more than most?”
“I didn’t, but I do now.But you’re still holding back.Tell me what you’re thinking.”
I stare at her beautiful green eyes, memorizing the different shades like it’ll be the last time I ever see them, because it might be.But what do I really have to lose at this point?
“I’m in love with you.”Her cheeks flush pink, but she doesn’t say a word.“I’ve been in love with you for a long time, and I’ve accepted my role in your life.I’m okay if it doesn’t change.”