Noel was shaking his head before I finished. "You have it all wrong, sweetheart." Then he laughed and at that, I did pull away as I didn't like being the butt of some joke. I got to the edge of the bed, but he sat up and took my arm pulling me back to him.
"Is that the information you wanted? I thought you were digging into my past because you and Bran–"
"Oh my God, Noel. Seriously? I already told you about that." I extricated my wrist from his hand and sat on the edge of the bed. "See, it's proof that this thing between us can't work. I told you the truth and you still don't believe me."
"And do you believe me?"
I gaped at him. "Believe what? You don't tell me anything.”
He moved to sit next to me on the bed. "Here's the truth, Harper. When Mo when I were away, we were both miserable, and I’m certain it was because you weren’t there. When I returned and went to your house, I was prepared to do whatever it took to make you see that even though I'm pretty shitty at this relationship thing, I wanted to be with you. When I heard that you were down here poking around in my business, I'll admit, I got the wrong idea, and I was pissed. Or more accurately hurt."
I turned my head toward him, looking into his eyes, hoping I could see the truth of his words and them.
His arm came around me and tugged me back until we were laying on the bed again. I knew I should resist this, but the fatigue was getting to me and Noel felt so good. I rested my head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.
"I'm not pining for Mo’s mother. I'm not in love with her. I never was in love with her. She and I had a short-term affair when I was doing business down here. I hadn't heard from her in nearly a year when she showed up with Mo on my doorstep and then ran off. At first, I needed her nearby because Mo was so upset. You remember."
I gave a brief nod.
"Then I wanted her close not just because she was Mo’s mother, but because I was concerned for her safety. Lupe’s family’s business isn't on the up and up. People disappear all the time and the way she would act when she called had me concerned for her safety and Mo’s safety. The reason we left town for a few days was that I heard one of her men was in Los Angeles and I couldn't take a chance that he was looking for me or Mo. I suspect this is the man that approached you at the restaurant."
I tilted my head up to him. "You heard about that."
He nodded. "I don't think Archer and Lane have very many secrets."
I flinched wondering if that meant Lane told Archer about the baby. If she had and Archer told Noel, certainly Noel would've said something about it by now, right?
"The point is, Harper, I'm not in love with Lupe. I don't want to make a life with Lupe. And in fact, I'm beginning to think I don't want her in Mo’s life because what Dax has discovered is very concerning. She's not some little pawn in her father's cartel. She has a leadership role."
"Cartel?"
He nodded as he stared at me intently. "There are things in my past that I keep secret because they will cause you to think less of me and I don't want that."
When with those words my insides turn to mush. "I knew you were once a mercenary."
"But you don't know the specifics. I never hurt good people, but I did, for a while, work for bad men and women."
Intrigued, I adjusted my position, resting my forearms over his chest and setting my chin on my hands so I could look up at him. "What changed your business model?"
"I lost someone close to me. My best friend, not a woman," he said quickly. "Not only did he die, but I wasn't able to go back and retrieve his body. I've never been able to get over the guilt of that. The next job I took was here in Mexico for Lupe's father. But the more I realized what they were involved in, the more I couldn't do it. So, I ended the affair with Lupe, which she was completely on board with. I promise you, it was nothing more than just sex between us. I referred her father to another organization, and I returned to Los Angeles where I decided to take some time off and then, when Mo came, I decided to retire. Then you moved in next door and sent my world whirling.”
I grinned. "Back at you."
He smiled, lifting his head and giving me a kiss. "I know that I can be an asshole, and I know that I fuck things up. Chances are good that I'm going to keep fucking up. The truth is, I'm not good for you, Harper. And it really doesn't sit well with me that someone on Lupe's payroll has connected you to me. You’re in danger here. Being with me could always hold the possibility for danger."
"You're not going to start telling me what to do to keep me safe, are you?"
His fingers brushed against my cheek as he gave me a wan smile. "I would never. And for the record, I’d appreciate it if you would never compare me to Bran again. "
"Duly noted.”
“The point is—”
I pressed my hand over his lips. “Is this just sex to you? Like what you had with Lupe?”
He shook his head. “No, but—”
“Not for me either. Let’s just start with that.”