During lunch, our conversation turned to the mundane. I learned about the shoot that resulted in the billboard I’d seen of her that frequently starred in my dreams although I didn’t tell her that. I told her a little bit about life with Mo, but didn’t answer her questions about his mother. Where the cartel was concerned, it was best to not talk to anyone about them.
After lunch, I drove us home. I'd have expected her to exit my car and return to her house, but instead she came inside, helping me carry in the bags of clothes we’d bought for Mo. I changed his diaper thinking he would wake up, but when she picked him up, he settled against her and fell back asleep. It was so fucking hard to guard against the sight the two of them made together.
She laid him in his crib, covering him with a blanket. As we walked downstairs, one part of me wanted to escort her out the door and the other part of me desperately wanted her to stay.
"You want a drink?" I guess the desperate part won out.
"Uh…Sure." She was back to being hesitant and unsure. It was another thing that made it difficult to stand up against her. Harper was very rarely vulnerable.
I poured her a glass of wine and got myself a beer. I led her to the sunroom. where I set my phone with the baby monitor app open on a table and motioned her to sit in one of the chairs.
I sat in the one next to it. "I'm wondering if you've changed your mind about talking about this thing between us?" I hadn't meant to say that.
I wanted her so fucking bad, but I couldn’t afford her. I didn't mean in a monetary way, but in an emotional way. I felt sure she was still lying to me. And because I knew it was hard to guard against her, wanting to know what she was thinking about this thing between us was only asking for trouble.
Her gaze drifted out through the sun porch windows toward the ocean as she sipped her wine. Was she contemplating what to tell me? She couldn’t deny that there was anything between us. If she did, then I knew for sure she was a liar.
She inhaled the deep breath. "I've been caught off guard by the chemistry between us. Even though I thought you were lying to me about working with my brother, I couldn't deny it." She looked down into her wine. I knew there was more that she wanted to say and so I waited. She inhaled another deep breath. "I thought that by apologizing to you, by knowing the truth about what Bran was doing, that it would change things between us."
My gut clenched as I realized what she was saying. She was wondering if this thing could lead to more. Because I knew what she was saying, I was being a bastard when I asked her, "How?"
Her jaw tensed and I knew she knew I was being a jerk. For a minute I thought she was going to set her wine down and leave.
Finally, she said, "After the way I've treated you, I don’t blame you for being mad. I felt I owed it to you to apologize. The attraction is undeniable, but the one thing that made me resistant was the belief that Bran had hired you."
I shrugged. "Seems to me that would've been a good way to get back at him. And me, since it would be unethical to sleep with someone I was protecting."
I was being the sort of man that Bastion had accused me of. Pushing and provoking and sabotaging something that could be good. Or maybe it was the practical part of me doing my damnedest to protect myself by pissing her off and making her run away on her own.
"I guess the attraction isn't as strong for you as it is for me if you could have worked for Bran and resisted the attraction," she said.
My plan was working so I should keep my mouth shut. "I didn't say that." The truth was, while I’d have grappled with the ethics, I’d have still fucked her. Still, admitting it was dangerous. I was playing with fire. I was going to get burned, and yet I couldn’t stop myself.
She turned to look at me again but this time her face was impassive. I didn't see the vulnerability, but neither did I see the fierceness.
She drank the rest of her wine and then set her glass on the table. She rose. "I thought with the misunderstanding out of the way that perhaps there was something to pursue. I see now that I was wrong." She started toward the door.
Let her go. Let her go. Let her go.The words ran like a mantra in my mind.
I stood up and strode after her, catching her in the kitchen. "You weren't wrong."
She stopped in the center of the kitchen but didn't turn toward me. It was the first moment I realized the amount of courage it had taken her to tell me all this.
Not so much the apology, but this part about the thing between us. And here I was being an asshole about it.
A part of me felt justified because I still didn't trust her. But in that place deep in my heart that she kept tapping into, I couldn't let her go.
I needed to let her go. I had to let her go.
But instead, I stepped up behind her, slipping my arm around her belly and pulling her to me.
“You’re not wrong, Harper. The attraction is mutual, and God help me, I need you.” I kissed her neck, nuzzled her until her body went plaint. Her surrender was my undoing.
A roaring filled my ears as need surged to life. I wanted to drag her to the floor and fuck her right there but resisted.
A quick fuck wasn’t going to be enough. I needed her in bed where I could devour her over and over and over.
I swept her up and strode out of the kitchen. I made it through the living room and to the foyer, but she was sucking on my ear and there was no way I could make it up the stairs to my bedroom. I carried her into my office and set her down next to the couch.