* * *
“You cleaned up. You…bought furniture?”
I’m glad she noticed. Since the last time Cass was here, I dusted, vacuumed, and put clean laundry away. I also bought a Keurig and a cozy chair that I found second-hand. It’s a tight fit in a dorm room, but I wanted it to be comfortable for visitors. Well, for Cass. I don’t give a shit about anybody else.
I prep the coffee. “You were saying.”
She continues right where she left off. “Right. Everybody thinks I’m this delicate flower. Both you and my brother don’t think I can handle a lot. If Daddy’s case goes to trial, the next couple of years will be rough; the lawyers have clarified that. If we manage to afford to finish college, it will be excruciating and too much for anybody to carry. But here’s the thing. I need you, Titus. I need us. I know I’ll always have your friendship to lean on. I’ve always known that. But if I’m your girlfriend, I will need you to let me be your girlfriend out in the open. Don’t force me to maintain lies, too. It isn’t fun. But being with you, as your girlfriend, is fun. It doesn’t have to be the work you think it is. Believe it or not, Titus, you’re a fairly uncomplicated soul. Being in lo—being with you is the easiest thing there is. It’s not a task. It’s a dream. It’s been a dream for a while now. You will give me something to look forward to at the end of a bad day. Something fun. I don’t have any hobbies, you know? I have school, tennis, sorority functions, and worrying over my dad and you. That’s it. I need you as my boyfriend when I’m dealing with all this shit with my dad. I need you to be my boyfriend when I have to talk to lawyers and who knows who else. So let me decide what I can handle. Okay?”
I feel like my heart is about to explode.
I hear it—she almost blurts out that she loves me. I would never forgive myself if I had let her say it first.
“Can I talk now?” I hand her a coffee and take mine on the floor at her feet, sitting down cross-legged.
With her hand around her steaming mug of brew, she nods, mouth still drawn in a tight line.
“Cass, you are always taking care of me. You put so much effort into everything you do. You dropped everything to look after me like that means the world to me.” I hold my hand up because I know she wants to interrupt to remind me of their mom’s funeral. But I don’t want to talk about that as if I deserve some badge of honor for the bare minimum. “And let me address what you said about being a delicate flower. I never said that, and I never thought it. You’re the strongest woman I know.”
This has Cass crossing her arms and lifting one eyebrow like she doesn’t believe me. “You’re strong enough to be soft and not care what anyone thinks. You’re strong because you feel your feelings. Do you have any idea how tough that is for most people? I protect you because I don’t like how people talk about you and don’t care for people who deliberately misunderstand you. I protect you because you’re a goddamn unicorn.”
Cass laughs, and with her eyes downcast, I see her swipe at her cheek.
“And that other thing you said…I’m glad you think I’m uncomplicated, but here’s the thing, Cass. This could change the course of our friendship forever. You need to be aware of that. I’m all in if you’re ready to be out in the open. Because I love you, Cass.”
I hear a slight hiccup, and she lifts her face to meet my gaze. Her expression is incredulous. My thumb automatically goes out to wipe away a tear.
“Since the first time I heard someone say those awful things about you, I’ve been quietly raging. Because I love you. At first, I was a kid and didn’t know how to handle those feelings. And I didn’t know how to handle you dating a lot of different people. I thought…I didn’t want to harsh your vibe. You seemed happy, and I didn’t want you if I couldn’t have you all to myself.”
“Why didn’t you say anything when we were in high school?” Cass says, eyes shining.
“Because I didn’t think I was right for you. I thought I was being selfish. You seemed happy.”
“But you were my best friend,” she says through choked sobs. “You could have told me anything.”
I smile, squeezing her chin. “Well, your best friend is a moron. I’m sorry it took so long for you to realize that.”
“He totally is.”
Both our coffees set aside, I come to my knees in front of her. I take her hands in mine, and I apologize.
“Are we good?”
She nods. “We’re good.”
ELEVEN
Cassandra
I could kissTitus for days.
Nobody has ever kissed me with such fierceness that it scrambles my brain.
Titus has risen to his knees, nestling himself between my legs where I still sit in the chair in his room. His tongue sweeps inside my mouth and meets mine. I love the way he tastes: warm and wonderful. Titus smells like clean laundry, which is saying something for a men’s college dorm room. But I’ve always loved how my friend smells, even after getting beaten at a ruthless game of tennis. His sweaty scent is always pleasant, too. And how many people can I say that about?
I cease thinking about tennis sweat as Titus licks inside my mouth and nips my bottom lip.
The small nibbles set off a fluttering feeling between my thighs, deep in my core, increasing my need for him. This kissing feels so good, especially good after talking things out. I’m not a fool; I know we have plenty more to talk about. Like how precisely we plan to tell Herc that we’re dating.