I need to take a walk and clear my head.
The night air is cool and crisp, and walking does me good. My feet take me down to the quad, where a tree-lined path leads from the residence halls to the main classroom building. I keep going as the trail leads beyond the yard to the art building and the botanical garden behind the science building.
I like walking here. It reminds me of home. It reminds me of Herc and Cass’s home. Which is, or was my second home.
I meander down around a wooded corner to my favorite spot in the dogwoods and almost run smack into a giggling couple, holding hands and heading in the opposite direction.
“Whoa, sorry, buddy,” says one of them as I step off the narrow path to let them pass.
Nearly bumping into a happy couple brings my mind right back to Cass.
I was right to suggest to Cass that we keep our relationship under wraps…wasn’t I?
Am I taking advantage of her accommodating nature? Shit. I hadn’t thought of that. She trusts me. Even if I’m a scared little asshole, she trusts me.
I circle back to the quad, heading to my dorm.
I’m a fucking idiot. I have to fix this.
“I don’t want to be your dirty little secret.”
That voice.
It feels as if my thoughts summoned her.
I spin around, and there she is, feet planted like she’s ready for a fight.
Part of me is so happy to see her, but the other side of me—the perhaps overly protective side—is pissed. “Babe, it’s three a.m., and you’re out by yourself in the middle of campus. Are you insane?”
Her chin trembles.
And I am the world’s biggest asshole.
I hadn’t intended to make her feel like a dirty secret, but that’s how she felt. So that’s on me.
I go to her and cup her face. “Cass. Oh my god. I’m so damn sorry. I didn’t mean…shit.”
She squeezes her eyes shut and exhales heavily. “What did you mean, then?”
My heart squeezes at the look on her face: searching, wary, confused.
“I meant everything else a person could mean, except that. I wanted to keep us under wraps because I needed time to figure out how to tell Herc. And I meant that I didn’t want him, your sorority sisters, your dad, or anyone else drilling you with questions when you’ve already got a lot on your plate. I didn’t want you to feel like you needed to focus on me. Between college, investigators breathing down your neck, calls with lawyers, and stressing out about the money we took…kept…I didn’t want to burden you with…me.”
Cass draws her lips into her mouth, biting down. I know that look. She wants to blurt something out at me because I’m an idiot.
I wait.
Finally, she blinks and speaks slowly. “How about you let me decide how much I can take?”
“I don’t need you fussing over me,” I protest.
“Titus. I dropped everything and spent 24 hours fussing over you to make sure you didn’t die. And I decided to do that when I thought we were still just friends. Because that’s what friends do.”
“But you should be focusing on yourself.”
“Shut up and listen for once.” She’s taking control and calling me on my bullshit in ten different ways. I deserve every bit of it.
I don’t want to interrupt her, but I also don’t want to stand outside. “First, let’s go to my room, and I’ll make us some coffee. This is a private, sit-down, coffee conversation.”