“Or so you thought. Sorry dude. I told her to take the day off tomorrow because I don’t know how I can face her in the office and not be consumed by how much I love her. How peaceful she looks when she sleeps. How sweet she is when she wants to learn something new. How giving her an orgasm is the most natural thing I’ve ever done…do I need to go on? I work with her. I can’t date her.”
“You fell for her too?” I consider that he never said it out loud like I did. It’s not insane, but apparently the kid thing scared her off. Easier to agree to something in the heat of the moment than put in the work to own it.
“Do I need to take out a television ad? Yes, I fell for her…months before you ever saw her, and up until then, I had things under control. I don’t want to be the asshole who gets to keep his job while the woman gets fired. I’ve seen it happen too many times. Plus, she’s the best damn admin I’ve ever had, it’s like she can read my mind.”
“Like we’ve always done with each other.”
“Yeah, sort of. Anyway, you said she’s trying to find somewhere else to stay tonight? Maybe she’s giving us the clean break.”
I thought she’d come around to my kid, at least give it a try. “If my son freaked her out, I can’t change that, but as far as a job, you could get a new job. You can work at my security company.”
“It’s not about the job. I can’t have her working for anyone but me.”
“You think you’re protecting her? Some guy will steal her right out from under you if you don’t make a move.”
The door clicks open signaling that Natalie returned, so we silence our conversation.
Hope fills me when she appears in the doorway to my brother’s office, even though her brow is furrowed and she worries her lower lip.
She points at her earbuds. “I’m on hold, but I wanted to let you know that after I get dinner ready, I’m going to bed early. The lessons were pretty exhausting…thank you. I should get some sleep.”
She forces a smile.
I’ve been blown off by women, but it never made my soul hurt. I’m about to object when she motions to her earbud again, greets the person on the other end, and leaves us gutted.
Sixteen
Natalie
Ifthere’sawordthat means agony but way worse, that’s how I feel as I drive home. Lincoln and Jefferson must have left super early because there’s no sign of them by the time I wake up.
The key is on the counter, so I lock up as I leave, and return it to where it was supposed to be hiding.
I could easily go home, get ready, and go to work. The only reason I’m taking the day off is that Lincoln told me to. He doesn’t want me there. I’m now a risk.
Okay, he only said to take the day off… I put the reasons together.
Every ding of my phone has me on edge. I’m expecting HR to call or email and say I need to come in for a meeting. Lincoln’s very calculating. It’s only logical that he would get ahead of the potential disaster and spin it to protect himself.
Nonsense, Lincoln’s not like that. He’s so tender when we’re not at work. Or was that Jefferson? They’re hard to tell apart. If I hadn’t been with both of them at the same time, I couldn’t have even been sure I’d been intimate with both of them. It’s just my broken heart panicking.
Broken heart? Am I so desperate for a relationship that I could fall in love in a day? Now I’m not being fair. I fell in love with Mister Adams long before.
Power cleaning my entire house and completing my entire beauty regimen, I try to keep my brain off Lincoln and Jefferson.
I’m not one to stand up for myself, but with them, I felt stronger, more worthy. I’d protected myself instead of believing that I could do more than “Be nice. Be pretty. Be useful.”
If I can find someone to teach me lessons on how to grow beyond my mother’s words, maybe I would be as fast of a learner as I was with sex.
But I’ve had enough lessons for a while. The next morning, I head into the office as if nothing happened. A definite sense of relief washes over me when no one makes a snide comment or looks at me funny.
Lincoln locked himself in his office.
Did I back out of our relationship just in time? Was it silly of me to think all of the sweet nothings that had been whispered meant something? I’m not sure I can handle working for a boss that avoids me.
Would it be better if I found another firm to work with? I pencil a note onto my calendar to make a decision in a week when I give this a chance to play out. I doubt he’ll tell anyone about our secret affair. The question I’m going to answer in a week is if my heart can take it.
Will I still be second-guessing my decision to end things? There were too many unknowns happening too fast. I can’twhat-ifevery decision. The most important lesson I learned in all of this is that I need to be strong. That’s one my mom hadn’t thought of. She meant well with her mantras, and they worked for her, but they aren’t me, and times have changed.