Roman may be a player, and because he is a player, he knows Kai doesn’t put everything he could into this.
Cardenas saw an opportunity and quickly seized it.
I’m grieving inside.
“Yes. It’s how he makes me feel,” I admit coldly. “I needed to talk to him tonight.”
I didn’t say I needed to talk to ‘someone’ tonight. It had to be him.
Alejandro.
“You should leave,” I say, pointing to the door. “You know how to let yourself out. I can’t do this right now.”
With that, I peel my eyes away from him and exit the kitchen. I blow out the candles on the first floor and take the stairs up.
I think I hear the metallic clink of the back door, but I don’t look out the window.
I don’t want to see him return to his place or hop into his car and head back to Manhattan.
I don’t even know what would be worse.
To have him across the road, sleep alone in the Stars Room? Or spend the night in his New York apartment?
I lie down on top of the covers, my eyes closed, fighting my tears.
It hurts like hell.
I never thought some stranger, a neighbor, could inflict so much pain on me.
I never thought I could have my heart filled with him, yet throw him out.
It has never crossed my mind I’d have him inside me, thinking that things are all right, only to learn that nothing is.
And I never thought the man I’d always relied on and trusted could become such a puzzle to me.
The stairs creak. And creak again. I snap my eyes open and push upright. Again, I’m not afraid. I’m ready for anything.
I hear the footsteps trailing the stairs, reaching the floor, and stopping in front of the door.
The door is slightly open.
He pushes it to the wall.
He left his suit jacket in the kitchen. His shirt is molded to his chest and shoulders.
“You’re not welcomed here,” I say but I have no energy to kick him out.
I fall back, pick up a pillow from the floor, and hide my face in it, lying on my side.
The mattress dips behind my back.
He lies next to me, on top of the covers like me, fully clothed.
The way Alejandro used to do it.
“I don’t want to go home,” he says. “It’s gloomy without you.”
Why would he say that to me?