It got me emotional too, and I chided myself for feeling so brittle.
The thing about having a smidgen of power was that I hated weakness in any shape or form, and I felt protective of my things.
As I started to believe in myself, I despised any sign of vulnerability.
That’s how I felt.
Regardless, the emotions were more potent than my grip on them, and I felt sorry for the state of my closet and what it represented.
I hated that feeling with a passion.
I didn’t find much in my house that I could bring into my new life, and maybe that’s why I went back to Kai’s place that Saturday morning.
His place had the Christmas ornaments up and strings of light wrapped around the trees around the house, and the kitchen smelled like freshly cooked food since one of the staff members had been tasked with cooking for me.
Things I would’ve never accepted from anyone else came easily to me at his place.
So I spent that day there, trying to organize my new life, sorting through my feelings, the information my new job came with, and catching up on sleep.
The money?
Believe it or not, I hadn’t had the chance to think about it let alone touch it. I checked my balance, though.
Yes.
It was huge.
Unreal.
A shocking departure from the meager deposits I had made before.
The money Cardenas paid me was there––untouchable but real––a string of shiny little zeroes suggesting significant changes in my life.
The kind of stuff I never dreamed of.
And then there was the other bank account where the money had been accumulating––the money meant for investments.
It sits at seven hundred thousand dollars right now. And there are three hundred thousand dollars to be added if things go well.
Things are strange when it comes to money.
My life has changed in many ways, mostly driven by my new job, my new schedule, and the information I absorbed.
And suddenly, my money has taken the back seat.
It’s no longer at the forefront of my mind and has ceased to fuel my anxiety and frustration.
Having money means not thinking about money. Not building my life around it. Not struggling to live anymore.
I can buy stuff, but I don’t have the time to do it, except for the necessities of everyday life.
Money is there. Money is no longer a problem. And money is no longer taking up residence in my head.
So I feel good about it. And most of the time, I forget about it.
So I forgot about it.
I didn’t have time to do the things I wanted; the stuff that required money. But I didn’t fret about it. And I knew I’d get to a point where I’d do them eventually.