How did it feel?
I learned the true meaning of imponderability. I floated those first few days while I was on my own.
And yes I took him up on his offer and spent the first few nights at his place in Long Island.
For one, I had nothing at my place. I had no food and no time to buy groceries.
And everything came in handy at his place.
He had people who helped around the house, and one bodyguard who lived in and was in charge of my security. I liked that a lot. I could finally sleep soundly.
It all worked well since most of the time, I came home, showered, ate dinner, and crashed into bed, which was technically Kai’s bed.
The life changes I had expected came, but they were nothing like I had envisioned.
Going through a sudden change at such a fast pace is like riding a rollercoaster without a safety belt. It messed with my chemistry, my brain, and my soul.
I didn’t have time for anything. I couldn’t process, ponder, or introspect, and I had to do stuff that, most of the time, I was unprepared for.
It took me several days to get used to working hard without a break. With not hearing from Kai. Or Alejandro. Or Francisco.
I talked to Giana once. Told her I was okay. And that was that. I gave her an empty promise that I would meet her for food and drinks and maybe even stop at her place, but the first weekend came and went, and nothing happened.
Last Saturday, I finally walked across the street and entered my home.
It was a sunny day, and the sunlight sparkled over the rooftops, the windows, and the front lawns.
The sun had started to melt the snow, and a bunch of birds were foolish enough to think the winter was almost over.
They chirped and chirped while I crossed the road, wearing only a hoodie and my sweatpants, clothes I’d ordered online and received at work with the other stuff I needed and had placed an order for.
Kai’s security detail was on standby since I refused his help when I went to my place.
It was eleven o’clock on that Saturday morning, and my neighbors were outside.
Their children played in the backyards, their dogs barked like crazy, and fluffy cats tiptoed on the wet tree branches.
The back door groaned when I pushed it open.
There were no footprints around the house which was a good sign.
Every time I arrived at his place that week, I checked to see if anything unusual was happening at my house.
By checking, I mean glancing in the direction of my home.
I wasn’t curious to open the door and look inside. As if it was a stranger’s place.
There were no lights turned on. No cars. No people. Had it been any different, I would’ve been in a frenzy.
Things had been calm, and they were under control that morning too.
Walking inside the kitchen, I realized how much I missed my place and how ambitious my plans were. I hadn’t had time to devise a real plan but promised myself to do it that weekend.
I walked up the stairs and checked my bedroom, the ladder to the attic, and my closet.
I had a weird feeling while looking at the clothes tucked in my closet, as if I was looking at someone else’s clothing. Jeans. Tops. Old sweatpants made of flimsy fabric.
Worn-out shoes.