I exhaled. “Not like I should have. I never claimed I was a good man.”
Taking a breath, Julia straightened her neck. “You are a good man, Van. Sometimes good people do bad things.”
“Brooklyn…I don’t know her,” I admitted, “but she isn’t bad.”
Julia nodded as she lay back beside me. “Phillip, was he okay with this…arrangement?”
“No,” I answered. “Madison told Phillip she needed time and that she was staying with Lena.”
“Lena knows?”
“Yes. Lena was her cover. That didn’t mean Lena approved.” I shook my head from side to side. “It was fucked up. It was also what Madison wanted.”
“You’re saying that you did care about what she wanted.”
“I’d say I took advantage of it.”
“Did Madison want to leave Phillip and be with you?” Julia asked as she stood.
“No, she wanted a baby.”
“There are other ways.”
“They couldn’t afford in-vitro fertilization. Madison didn’t want Phillip to know he was infertile or so she thought he was. She thought he’d be happy to be a father.”
“He wasn’t,” Julia said.
Van
“He wasn’t happy with the way it happened,” I confirmed.
“What happened when he found out?” Julia asked.
“World War III. Madison called him and told him where she was. He came to the house.”
“The house where we live?”
“No, the Christmas tree farm.”
Julia nodded as she again sat on the edge of the bed, turning toward me. “I’m having trouble hearing this and staying still.”
“I can stop.”
“No, keep going.”
“The day he came to get her was the last time I saw either of them until seeing Madison the day she shot me. Lip came into my home, screamed at her. He screamed at me. I told him to get out. I told her to stay.”
Julia stood again and paced beside the bed.
I didn’t mean to divulge everything, but I couldn’t stop myself. The story that I’d never fully told anyone was flowing out of me. Each word lifted a weight I’d been carrying for over ten years. Each sentence freed me from the prison I’d created.
Did freeing myself burden Julia?
I didn’t want that.
“I can stop,” I said, pushing the button and sitting up. I reached for her hand. “If you don’t want to know more. I’m not trying…” I wasn’t sure what I was doing.
Julia squeezed my hand. “Don’t stop.”