“Are you tired?” I asked as her warmth radiated at my side.
“Yes, but sleeping here isn’t easy. Going home to Ashland sounds heavenly.” She lifted her head and with her elbow on the mattress, she looked down at me. “Are you going to tell me more? Is there more?”
To think I wanted a memoir written.
Of course, I hadn’t planned on it containing anything but the basics of my personal life. The center theme was to be my success. Nevertheless, each time I confessed and Julia accepted without pause, I found myself even more enthralled with the woman at my side.
I cleared my throat and spoke low. “There is something else you should know, something you should learn from me.”
“I’m listening.”
Taking a deep breath, I stared up at the ceiling as Julia’s fingers found mine. I fought the urge to hold more of her, to tease away her clothes, and feast on her beauty. Instead, we were clothed, lying beside one another in a small hospital bed, and I was about to share the one thing I never imagined sharing.
“Van, I won’t run.”
Rip off the Band-Aid.
That was the analogy Julia used.
I debated with myself on how to even begin the conversation. Teasing the edge of that bandage, I pulled with all my strength. Finally, I blurted out, “The reason I can’t see Brooklyn is because she’s my daughter.”
“Your daughter?” Julia exhaled and laid her head back on the pillow beside mine. Her mind was computing. “Brooklyn is ten.”
It wasn’t a question, but I nodded.
Julia wasn’t looking at me, and I didn’t blame her. Instead, she was speaking up at the ceiling. “And how long have Phillip and Madison been married?”
“Fifteen to sixteen years.”
Her head shook. “I don’t understand.”
My eyes closed as I recalled the knock on my door. “I’ve watched Brooklyn grow up from afar. I never imagined that I’d find a woman like you. I wasn’t looking for a relationship or a wife. Now I want that and more. I also want to be a father—when you’re ready.”
“A father to Brooklyn?”
“I don’t know,” I replied honestly. “A father to our children.”
“Explain how you’re Brooklyn’s father.” She took a breath and sat up. In the dim illumination, she turned on the bed, facing me. “I know biology. But if Madison was married to Phillip...how?”
My mind went back to that summer evening. “Madison came to me. She said that she wanted to be pregnant. She believed a child would give her and Phillip what their marriage lacked.”
Julia’s jaw tensed. “She came toyou. She was married to your brother.”
There was no going back. I forged ahead. “Madison said that she’d never used birth control during their marriage, and she hadn’t gotten pregnant. Biologically, Phillip and I are similar—not identical,” I added.
“Artificial insemination?”
I scoffed. For the first time, I wished I could say yes. Instead, I answered honestly, “No.”
Julia’s chin fell to her chest. “No,” Julia repeated before looking up. “And Phillip knows?”
“He knows. He knows that once again I did what he couldn’t.”
“You had sex.”
“That was what it was, Julia. Sex. She wanted my sperm. I wasn’t going to jack off in some test tube.”
“Did you love her…then? Care about her?”