Van exhaled. “Thank you. We can discuss more about Ashland later.”
Michael nodded before exiting.
Once we were alone, I shed my winter coat and lowered the side rail on Van’s bed. I couldn’t help the way I scanned him from his dark mane to the bump of his toes under the blankets. I longed to see every inch, to know he was whole. “Are you in pain?”
He nodded.
“What can I do to help?” It was then I noticed the walker near the wall.
Before I could comment, Van did. “Maybe you should go on to Ashland.”
I shook my head. “I meant what I said about not leaving you.”
“It’s just that…”
In our short relationship, I couldn’t recall a time when Van was tentative in any way. Hearing the uncertainty in his voice hit me harder than seeing him in the hospital bed. Bending my leg, I sat gingerly upon the bed to Van’s side. The warmth of his leg against mine felt right.
The closeness we shared wasn’t forced. It was as comfortable and easy as it had been since the first night in the cabin. I’d never understood when people said that another person completed them. The concept didn’t compute with me until now. At Van’s side, holding his hand, and seeing the gold flecks in his gaze, I was whole.
“I don’t want to leave you,” I admitted. “Without you, I’m incomplete.”
Van lifted my hand and stared down at the solitary diamond before meeting my gaze. “I’ve felt the same way since I woke.”
“When?”
“Yesterday.”
“Yesterday? You were unconscious for four days?”
Van nodded.
I wanted to know more about his injury, but first he needed to hear that I didn’t leave him. “I want you to know that I didn’t choose to leave and go to Chicago.”
“I know,” he said. “I was told the decision was made for you.”
“My parents assumed you’d…”
Van’s eyes closed and his nostrils flared. “I’d never hurt you.”
“I know that.”
“But I have. I’m the reason Madison—”
I placed my finger on his firm lips. “I’ve had a lot of time to think. You weren’t responsible for what happened. She hurt you too.”
“Because she’s been hurt.” He winced as he took a deep breath. “There’s so much you need to know. You should hear it all from me.” He looked to where our hands were connected and back. “After you hear it all, I’d understand if you changed your mind.”
“Changed my mind. About you?”
Van nodded.
“There’s nothing you can say to make me change my mind.” A flash of a memory came back. “One of the things that I recall Madison telling me was that she’s the only woman you’ve ever loved.”
Inhaling, Van lifted his chin until our eyes met. His cadence was slow and his timbre steady. It was as if he wanted each word to be heard. “I never knew love, never…” —he squeezed my hand— “before you.”
New tears came to my eyes. “I believe you.”
“Julia, if I could go back in time…”