Braving it out, I licked my lips before pressing on the buzzer.
One … Two … Three … Four … Five …
“Cara,” he greeted as the door opened, welcoming me in, wearing a black wife beater and loose, black sweat pants. He looked pale, paler than I had ever seen him. What was wrong with him?
My brows furrowed as I recalled Kells telling me that he had somehow became the best of buds with liquor and maybe some drugs. Hopefully the latter wasn’t true.
Bounded with nerves, I smiled as I entered his home. My eyes instantly made a speedy scan of the area, wondering if I could spot anything that would indicate Hailey was here or had been here. What I found was a chaotic mess of empty alcohol bottles, red plastic cups, food wrappers, a massive stack of pizza boxes, and a whole lot of garbage as far as my eyes could see.
“What happened to your housekeeper?” Did she quit? By the looks of this place, the poor woman hadn’t been around here in days.
In his pall complexion, he seemed a little embarrassed. “I told her to drop by next week. I haven’t felt like dealing with a lot of people lately.”
His words made me step closer to him, really eyeing him. Something was off; I could tell.
“Are you okay?” I asked timidly, not wanting to overstep my welcome.
“I just don’t feel good. I haven’t had a meal in forty-eight hours. Guess getting drunk didn’t help all that much.”
Jesus. The man needed red meat and stat.
“I came by to talk, but I wouldn’t mind going out to grab you some food. You need something in your stomach to function properly.” My appetite had taken a nosedive, but I still managed to shove as much frozen yoghurt into my mouth whenever possible.
He opened his mouth, looking confused, before shutting it again. “I’ll be okay, Cara …” He gazed at me for a second before looking away. It seemed that looking at me was becoming a hardship. “Let’s head over to the couch. Maybe that’ll be more comfortable than standing here.”
Nodding meekly, I followed his lead. This entire process seemed too formal and so unlike us, which made it more nerve-racking and daunting.
“What did you want to talk about?” he asked softly as he took the couch next to me, facing me with such serious intensity that it left me feeling a little heady.
Nervously licking my lips, I stared at the coffee table before dragging my eyes back to his. The moment it connected, I forgot what I had to say.
“Last night …” I cleared my throat. “I hope you didn’t take it personally. I really wanted to be there—oh by the way, congratulations. You’re made for this. Music is your life. This is such an amazing time for you, and I hope you know how happy and proud I am to see you accomplish all your dreams. I really am proud.”
His frown deepened. “Why weren’t you there?” he asked in a soft-leveled voice, unnerving me.
“I was there, but I left before you began.” My brows began to sweat. Why was he a little hostile? I understood that he might be displeased, but I came here to apologize, didn’t I? Surely that counted for something.
Out of nowhere, River rapidly stood up like he needed distance from me. He strode toward the deck before retracing his steps back inside. He stood about fifteen feet away with an accusing look on his face. “And why did you leave? Did you have any idea how it felt waiting for you? In my mind, I knew it was stupid to hope, because all we do is fight lately. But for fuck’s sakes … you knew how much this meant to me … And I hoped, you know, that we could put our differences aside to support each other. I almost pushed back the set, believing you might just be running late. I wanted you there—where it counted most.”
I knew supporting him went beyond our vicious fights. We had each other’s back, no matter the cost. This was one of them, and I had let him down. I couldn’t have stayed, though, yet I tried. I truly did.
“She was there. It was just all too much too soon.” Baring my soul made me feel a bit better, but not enough. “I’m sorry, River.”
He sighed. “I really wanted you there,” he stated sadly again.
What could I do? It had already happened. Next time, when he needed my support, I swore on everything that was holy, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. And if Hailey happened to be there, then I would just have to wear my big girl panties and bear it.
River had been there with me in the lowest points of my life; I couldn’t do it to him again. I owed him that much.
“I won’t miss anymore. I’ll be there for your album release, your first concert, and all that jazz. I swear to you, I’ll be there. I know you’re probably mad, and I’m sorry. I should’ve known that this meant a great deal.”
“You don’t have to make those promises. I know you hate me, Cara.”
“I’ll be there. I don’t make promises if I don’t mean it. You know that,” I argued back before my eyes dropped to the coffee table and stared at the contents laid out before me.
Soft crystal white powder and his AMEX card.
“River?” I asked shakily before glancing at him. How long had this gone on?