Her hand squeezes mine. “I know.”
“You do?”
With a nod and one last glance at the guys, she tugs me from the training room and down the hall to Bobby’s office. She leads me through the door and pushes me down into the rickety visitor chair. Sitting on the edge of Bobby’s cluttered desk after she pushes the door shut, she drags in a deep breath and watches me. “Of course I know, Iz.”
“How?” I’m embarrassed with my weak crackling voice.
“You flinch when you see him. You turn away and hold your own hands.” She raises a brow. “You hold your own hand so you don’t reach out for him?” I had no clue I was so pathetically obvious. “When it’s just us; me, you, Jack, and Bobby, you’re happy. You’re normal, but then he comes over to hang out, and your eyes change. They go sad. But his are sad too, you know? He’s pretending, too.”
“He– No.”
“He still loves you,” she interrupts. “I know your secrets. I know his, too.”
“No. He doesn’t. He’s sad, because I didn’t wait. He’s pissed, because I’m having a baby. But he’s not in love. Not the same love I feel.”
“Jesus, Izzy, are you blind? That man’s head over heels in love with you.”
“No, he’s not! He doesn’t feel what I feel. He doesn’t know the things I feel in my heart.”
“Izzy!”
“I’m pregnant with another man’s baby!”
She sits back with narrowed eyes. “You’re pregnant with Bean.Yourbaby. That’s it.”
“That’s not it! Jesus.” Anger and shame wash and mix inside me. “That’s not it, Kit. What I did was despicable, and you saying those things hurts me. It’s like waving a roast dinner in front of a starving person. I want him. I’m in love with him. But because of my own actions, because of my own stupidity, I can never have him. You saying this shit hurts me.”
“I’m not trying to hurt you,” she whispers. “I’m just trying to make you see.”
I take a deep breath for bravery. “There’s nothing to see. There’s just…” I shrug. “There’s nothing.”
“Iz–”
“I’m moving out.” My hands shake with nerves. I look up into her sparkling eyes. “I need to go. I need space.”
“No, Iz, you don’t have to–”
“I want my own space.” I scoot forward on the chair and reach out for her hands. “I’m unsettled, Kit. Like I’m still just couch surfing. I need a permanent base. I need a home for Bean and me.”
She stares at me as argument after argument flits through her eyes. She doesn’t want me to go. She thinks it’s a shitty idea. She doesn’t want to argue with me. She wants to make me happy. Eventually, her eyes clear and her lips purse softly. “Okay. I’ll help you.”
“Just like that?”
She smirks. “Yep. Just like that. I know you’ve put a lot of thought into it. I know you wouldn’t bring it up unless it was really important to you. And personally, I’d want the same.”
“You would?”
“Yeah. I love having you with us. I truly do. But if it were me, I’d want my own space, too. We can’t help it that we’re both fiercely independent women. The guys worry, but we are who we are, and that’s what makes us so awesome.”
She gets me. She understands what I need. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Sissy. I’ll help you break it to Bobby tonight.”
What she’s offering is more than it appears on the surface. Bobby won’t take this well. None of the guys will. But having Kit on my side changes everything. Just like earlier this year when I had to announce my pregnancy. Having Kit as an ally in this family wins. Whatever Kit wants; all the guys oblige.
“Thank you.”
Heavy footsteps in the hall echo and have us sitting back. I didn’t realize how close we were sitting.