She jumps with nerves and closes her eyes to block me out. Turning slowly, she drags her feet and blindly walks toward me. The dread in her tensed body makes me want to go ballistic.
Not at her, but at the world.
At this room.
At any guy who’d volunteer to step in the ring right now; he’d lose. My pent-up worry has manifested into aggression, and I’m ready to blow. My chest thumps painfully at the unknowns.
Just say it and I’ll fix it!
She stops between my knees and threads her fingers into my hair. The perfect position so that she doesn’t have to look me in the eye. I grab her shaking hands and twine our fingers together.
We need to be touching.
I need to remind her who we are, because if I can’t get her to touch me without shaking, I think I’m going to fucking vomit. “You’re scaring me, baby. You’re literally terrifying me.”
“I’m sorry.” She looks down and meets my eyes. “I don’t mean to scare you.”
“Talk to me.” I squeeze her hand and drag her closer. “I need you to talk to me right now baby, because I’m freaking the fuck out. This isn’t us, and you don’t keep shit from me. But tonight you’re crying and keeping secrets.”
“I… I can’t,” she stammers. Her eyes turn watery and spill over. “I can’t tell you, Bobby.”
“What the fuck do you mean you can’t?”
“Shhh, please. You need to calm down.”
“No fucking way. I can’t calm down, because the woman that I’m marrying in a week – a week! – is keeping secrets from me. We’re a team, remember? You promised.”
“I know.” She tears her hands from mine, but before I can die about it, she brings them up to cup my face. “I know, Bobby. We’re a team, but I need you to be a little quieter. I’m begging you.”
“Spill.” I don’t shout the word, but the command is in there nonetheless. “Now.”
“Bobby… I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Why? Why can’t you?” My heart pounds painfully in my chest. “Are you hurt? Are you in trouble? Did you do something wrong? Baby, you need to tell me. I can’t help unless you tell me.” I’ll fix anything for her; I’ll do anything, be anything. I love her more than my own life, more than every single possession I have. I’d give up my gym, my career. I’d do absolutely anything for her. But she needs to talk to me. “I can’t fight ghosts,” I whisper.
“I’m fine.” She bends lower and presses her forehead to mine. “I swear, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me. But I can’t tell you what’s going on, because it’s not my secret to tell.”
I place my hands over hers as they hold my face. “You’re okay? You’re healthy and safe and… okay?”
She nods and bathes my skin with her breath. Her scent washes over me. Relaxes me. “I swear, Bobby, I’m okay. I’m not hurt. I’m not sick. I’m not in trouble. I didn’t do anything illegal.”
“Alright. Okay.” I exhale and let some of the strangling tension go. It’s not all gone, but it’s not killing me, either. “Are the girls okay? Which one is it?” Thereisa secret, it’s just not hers.
“I can’t tell you. Please don’t press it, because I will. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” She presses her lips to my forehead. “My promises to you will win, Bobby. Always. But I also made a promise to… someone else. Please don’t make me break it.”
She would. She’d tell me. She’s loyal to a fault, but it would hurt her to break someone’s trust.
I take a deep breath and let it out. “Okay, fine, but can you tell me which girl, then? Tink’s important to me, but if it’s Iz, that’s different. That’s my baby sister.”
She shakes her head. “No. I can’t tell you.”
“Is she safe – whoever it is?”
“Yes.” She quietly climbs into my lap and folds her long legs up. Despite her length, she still fits perfectly curled into my chest. “Yes, she’s safe, and everything will be okay. Today sucks, but it’ll all work out.”
I run my hand along her smooth thigh and breathe in the scent of her shampoo.
Home.