I shake my head.“I don’t wanna drink.” I swallow and meet his vacation eyes. “I think I’ll just go to bed. It’s been a big week with these exams. Jules wants me back on Monday. It’s time to stop being an unemployed bum.”
Standing behind my brother, Jules rubs her eight months pregnant belly and pastes on a fake grin. “You’re not unemployed, dummy. I told you the months leading in to the bar exams would be study only. No time for work. No time to scratch your butt.”
I nod. She said that. She took me offinvoluntaryleave before it even began, only to replace it with medical leave, then grievance leave, then study leave. All paid. All with an abundance of snack food and a shoulder to cry on.
“It’s time to come back.”
“Monday.” Her eyes dig into mine. “You take today, you kick ass. We take the weekend to chill the hell out, eat chips, drink liquor. Then Monday, you work. I have a whole stack of files for you. I haven’t filed a thing in months; I’ve been saving them for you.”
I drop my eyes to my feet and snicker. My new shoes. Juliette shows her love with shoes, so as a pre-exam celebration, she gave me brand-new red-bottomed heels.
Good luck, she said.Wear them each day of the exams, because they’re good luck.
“I appreciate that, Jules. Because Isolove filing.”
Stepping forward, her belly reaches me before her hands. “You’ve got this, Jess. You already know you do. Now you’ve gotta prove it. Make me proud, then we’ll discuss the Alex clause.”
Alex steps up behind her with a frown. “What’s the Alex clause?”
“She banned me from telling her about our sex life.” She places her hand over his when he cups her belly. “She said it wasicky and unprofessional.”
“Oursex life?” He spins her around. “Ours? Yours and mine?”
“Uh, yeah? Who else would I gross her out with?”
“Juliette!” Blustering in a way I haven’t been privy to in months, the vein in Alex’s forehead pops. “You can’t tell my sister about my sex life! Fuck.”
“She’s fine.” Jules rolls her eyes and brushes him back. “She’s a big girl, and you’re being a baby.”
“A baby? No! You’re being wildly inappropriate!”
I turn away from the bickering couple and slide my cell phone into my back pocket. Jules says to wear the heels for good luck. I do, to humor her. But I stroke my scarred ribs for my own version of luck. Each time my fingertips brush over the rough stitching, he’s sayinghey. He’s calling me a dumb blonde, telling me to watch my back, and then he’s making a dick joke.
Because he was almost as obsessed with his dick as he was with me.
I collect my keys from the side table, then plop a Cubs ball cap on my head. “I’m going. I’ll be back tonight.”
“Good luck, honey.” Alex takes me in a side hug and drops a heavy kiss on my temple. “Be good. Be great. Come out swinging.”
“You’ve been hanging with the Rollers too much.”
He chuckles and passes me along to Jules. I make my way through hugs and kisses, and when I come up empty on the end, when Laine isn’t here, I walk away from everyone else and move down the hall.
Laine and Graham have broken up. I don’t know all the details. I know only what was whispered in the hall at the police station, so I know her relationship was shitty. I know he hurt her. I know that he still calls her every single day. And I know she cries herself to sleep every single night.
But I just don’t have the room in my soul to take on more grief.
So, like a coward, I haven’t asked.
One day, I’ll be able to look back on this time as memories weshouldhave made. Time we should have spent together. Time for bonding, and time for healing.
But I’m not there yet.
I tap her bedroom door and poke my head in. “You awake, Baby?”
She doesn’t answer. She simply stares at the TV the way I’ve done for months whenever my family try to force me to talk.
I can respect her space.