40
But Life Must Go On
“Are you sure you’re ready for this, Thing 1?” Luc bends his neck to look into my eyes. His lips twitch playfully. He wants me to smile. He wants the old me back.
But the old me doesn’t exist anymore.
The old Jess was in love with a criminal. A good man that sometimes did bad things. But never to good people.
The old Jess was in love with an undercover cop, and although she didn’t know that, she knew her instincts were on point. She knew good and pure when she saw it.
She knew love.
I’ll never know that kind of love again. It’s the once in a lifetime kind. The kind that just cannot be replicated, can’t be feigned, can’t be bought, sold, or bartered.
Kane Bishop ruined me, just like he promised he would. He said I’d compare every man to him for the rest of my life. He said that I’d never find one that could measure up.
He was right.
He broke me.
And I’m both blessed and enraged that I experienced that kind of undying love.
Even when half of the couple is gone, the love remains.
Even though he never told me he loves me, Ifeltit.
Some people can be together for two years and still not be sure if they’re in love. They’re inlike, they mesh well together, they make a decent team, and they’re happy to share a dining table and a coffee pot, but they’re not sure if it’s the kind of love the literary greats spoke of.
And then you can have people that are together for just days.
Kane and I were together for two weeks. We weretogetherfor just one. We never shared a normal morning over coffee. We never spent our morning in pyjamas while discussing our plans for that day. We never experienced a real date, or going to the movies, or family dinner.
I never introduced him to my family.
And yet, the love I feel for him is enough that it will stay with me for the rest of my life. I carry him with me and let him save me every single day.
I struggle to find reason to get out of bed each day. I struggle to think my family isenoughto keep breathing for.
Buthe’senough. He’s the reason I get up and study; so I can become a lawyer and help uphold the law he worked so hard for.
His heart beating inside mine is enough to get out of bed each day.
“Jess?” Luc’s broad hand brings my chin up. “You ready? Today’s a big day.”
“Yeah.” I fold my arm across my chest so my fingers slide over the bumpy skin on my ribs. The marks he left behind. The stitches that had to be done twice, and on the second round, they were willing to ‘fix’ them so there would be no scarring.
No.
I wouldn’t let themfixit for me. The scarring is mine to keep. My keepsake.
I shrug. “I’m ready.”
“Bar exams are almost done. Two days down, one to go. You’re feeling strong?”
I swallow the ball of emotion in my throat. “I’m ready.”
“You wanna get hammered tonight?” He grins. “I’ll drink with you. I’m off work. Bear’s off, too. Everyone bought bottles of Tequila and bags of chips that we’ll throw up again later, so now we’re just waiting for you to get home and crack yours open.”