Fuck, fuck, fuck! He’d wanted to show her his artwork to make her understand that he didn’t want anyone else and what they shared was real. He wanted her to know that she didn’t need to worry about his feelings for her. She was the most beautiful creature—inside and out—he’d ever laid eyes on. He wanted her to know, to realize, that he was utterly in love with her.
He held still in the bedroom doorway as Kate pulled his black T-shirt over her head. Next thing he knew, she was hastily stepping into her black thong and searching the room for the rest of her stuff. He couldn’t let this be the end of them.
He stepped into his bedroom and took Kate by her shoulders. She had tears pouring over her dimpled cheeks, falling between her luscious breasts before they trailed even lower. Her hands stayed next to her rigid body, and he noticed that she clenched her dark blue dress in her fist.
“I know what I did was wrong on so many levels. I know because I’m one of the good guys. I help women from the women’s shelter get away from freaks like Tom who stalked you and your sister. I know that, at the time, what I did was needed to keep you and your family safe. We were alarmed when I saw him stalking you in your workplace. After that, we knew what we were up against, and we arranged for Errin and you to come to Austin. I will never forgive myself for that bastard still finding a way to hack into your phone so he could locate Kayla.”
Kate sighed and shook her head as if she didn’t want to hear more explanations, as if she already had her mind set on leaving—on leaving him.
“You’ll never understand what I feel when I see you. I have this need to protect you… to know that you’re all right. I screwed up once by letting my friends in New Jersey take over and protect you and Errin. Never again am I going to rely on others to keep you safe. I know now that there is no fighting these feelings. I need to be with you and only you.”
Kate looked up with teary eyes, and he wondered if he got through to her.
“You’re freaking me out, Donovan. I don’t know what—”
“That’s the reason why I tried to push you away in the beginning, cupcake. I knew that my infatuation with you was turning into some sort of a fixation. Because even after you moved into Kayla’s apartment, I couldn’t go on with my workday without knowing you were all right. I couldn’t paint at night without picturing you before me. It’s scaring me too, realizing how much you’re in my head, in my heart…. I’ve never been in love before.”
Kate gasped at his confession. She put her hands against his chest. The feel of the silky dress against his bare nipple distracted him for a moment. But when she pushed him, he grabbed her hands to kiss her knuckles.
“Yes, cupcake. I’m in love with you. I know that you need to process everything, and I understand that you may need some time. But know this, I’m not backing out of the chance to be with you. This past month… we’re so good together. You make everything right in my world. It felt like I could finally breathe.”
Kate’s eyes grew big as he spoke. She didn’t say anything but simply nodded. He figured he’d probably said enough for the both of them and didn’t want to scare her anymore. He let go of her hands and took a small step back.
“I’m going to take a shower. I’m giving you time to work things out inside your beautiful head, dear cupcake. But please know that I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”
Kate hiccupped on a sob, and she didn’t meet his eyes. Her posture was still closed off, which made him decide to back away and give her some space. He gave her forehead a soft kiss and whispered, “I mean it, Kate. I love you. Please don’t throw us away.”
He stepped around her and went into the bathroom. After turning on the shower faucet and waiting for the water to warm, he took off his clothes and stepped under the spray. He groaned when he thought about what he’d said to Kate.
Placing his forehead against the cool, wet tiles, he took a deep breath as the warm water poured over his back in a steady rhythm. It was somewhat calming, but he knew that once he stepped out of the shower and into his empty bedroom, he would have to face the fact that Kate had left him.
She was probably revolted by his behavior, and he didn’t even have a thing to say for himself. He understood how wrong his actions were, and he knew he wasn’t good enough for sweet Kate. He had been slowly turning into some kind of freak who needed to know everything about what she was doing and who she was seeing.
Fuck, he even knew she was on the pill and that she’d split from the only boyfriend she ever had three years ago. That’s why they didn’t use any protection. He already knew that he was safe, and, well, he knew about her too. In his research, he discovered that Kate hadn’t been romantically involved with anyone over the past few years. Sure, she went on first dates with a few guys, but no one ever got close to her.
He knew what a gift it was for her to let him into her space, in her life, and possibly even in her heart. He washed his body and let the stream rinse the suds away. With his head bowed, he watched the twirling water at his feet as it disappeared into the shower drain. After quickly washing his hair, he turned off the faucet.
He dreaded the walk back into his bedroom, but after he dried himself off on autopilot, he figured he needed to see for himself that she’d really left. The first thing he noticed was the bed. Huh, even though she was probably mad as hell at him, she still wanted to help him out and made his bed. He glanced around, and sure enough, her dress, pumps, and purse were absent, and so was she.
He walked into his closet and grabbed clean boxer shorts. He put on the first jeans he laid eyes on and yanked a clean T-shirt from a shelf. After finger combing his black locks, he walked into the hallway.
He strained his ears, but his apartment was frustratingly quiet. She’d truly left him. He passed his studio, but something drew him to stop and turn. He pushed the door open, and the first thing he noticed was the bare piece of wall on the right side of his studio.
“Huh, she’s taken Gloria.”
It almost brought a smile to his face—almost. If he wasn’t so lost without her, he would smile at her antics. He made a round in his studio, and sure enough, she’d taken nothing else except for the piece with Gloria.
“She must really like the cat.”
He’d found a picture of Kate with Gloria in a folder on her desktop named Family. The loving smile on Kate’s lips as she patted the cat was like a kick to the gut. His first thought was that he wanted to see Kate looking at him in that exact same way.
She seemed so in her element, like the sweet and loving Kate he’d got to know. He wanted to be on the receiving end of her affection. He wanted to be everything she’d ever dreamed of. He was on the verge of having a panic attack before he remembered the painting of Gloria.
He took a deep breath. Okay, he would probably have to grovel like he never did with anyone. He had his work cut out for him to get her back. But he strangely felt a little encouraged by the missing artwork. Maybe when she looked at the piece, she would think about him. Maybe she would recognize the love he had for her shining through his artwork.
He walked into the living room, and the two empty wine glasses on the coffee table were the last remaining evidence of Kate’s stay with him this weekend. He sat down and stared at the glasses. After a few minutes, he sat back with his head resting against the back of the couch.
As he looked up at the ceiling, he let the last words she spoke to him go through his mind. You’re freaking me out, Donovan. He had zero excuse for his behavior, no fucking reason at all for acting this crazy. He needed to show her that he could be what she needed.
He stood from the couch and walked into his home office at the end of his hallway and started his computer. He sat down on his leather chair and waited for the apps to open. He traced Kate’s phone, and sure enough, she was at home. Was she telling her sister all about this weekend? Errin was going to have a field day with his recent fuck up.
No, he couldn’t let these thoughts take over his mind. He was going to get her back. But first he needed to delete her file, delete all her passwords, and eliminate the GPS tracker from her phone. Fuck. He had to let go of his need to protect her in the way he was accustomed to. As a private investigator, he knew that breaking a rule or two could make the life-saving difference. But he couldn’t approach this as a case.
No, he had to take a step back and find a way to let go of his anxiety for her safety. Even though he couldn’t track her all the time, he was going to be all right. And so was she. There wasn’t a stalker lurking behind every bush. Kate would be all right. But she would have to trust him enough to let him in again.
Donovan sighed at the thought of Kate going home with the artwork of her and Gloria in her arms. She took a piece of him with her in more ways than one.