I can’t be so selfish, not with someone like him. He deserves better. His family deserves better.
I close my eyes, hoping that when I wake up, my problem with the FBI will disappear, and all of this will work out the way I wish it could. The way I can’t imagine because it’s too dangerous to even dream of such fantasies becoming a reality.
All I know is I care for Tito. Whatever that really means right now, I don’t know and don’t have the luxury of finding out. So, naturally, the last thing I picture in my mind before I lose consciousness, is Tito holding me in his arms as I drift to sleep. I guess I’ve never been great at avoiding the inevitable.
12
TITO
Last night, I dreamt of Scout. Not in the way you’re probably thinking, either. God, I wish it was in that way. No… this was much more than a sex dream. She was standing in a field. Her skin is glowing, more than normal, more than humanly possible. I think she was the sun of another planet.
The edges of her looked drawn, like an anime. And her lips were pink. Probably the pinkest thing about her. Everything else was gold and bright. She turned to me and I tried to reach for her, but no matter how far I walked, I couldn’t touch her. It quickly turned into a nightmare, where I was running endlessly to no avail, and then I woke up sweating, my heart racing like I had been running. That’s why I’m taking a shower in the dark. It’s currently 2 a.m., and I’m standing in a cold shower, trying to shake the strange feeling in the pit of my stomach.
When I step out, I check the time again to see I’ve only killed about two minutes. I’m not the long shower type, apparently not the sleeping-in type either. Or sleeping at all, for that matter.
I quickly dry off before throwing on a pair of shorts off the floor and heading downstairs. The house is always quiet at this time. Probably because everyone else just went to bed. It’s typical for only one of our maids to be up to make coffee or a meal at any time. I think Antonio used to have meals by himself in the kitchen on ground level with one of our maids, but I seriously can’t remember her name.
I stride into the kitchen, only the lights underneath the upper cabinets illuminating it. One of the maids sees me and stands up from the bar, crossing to the coffee machine for me and pouring me a fresh cup.
“You knew I was coming?”
“I heard your shower when I was switching shifts with Amari.” She offers me the cup with a grin in an accent I can’t pinpoint.
“Thank you.” I nod, taking it from her.
“May I actually have a second one?”
“Now?”
“Yes, please.”
“Of course.” She reaches for another mug and fills the cup too.
“Sugar?” I point my finger around the room like a laser pointer, and she hurries over to an ornate gold box, opening the first drawer and running back to me with a few packets of sugar.
“Thank you.” I nod and quickly mix two packets into one of the cups before grabbing them both and heading back up the steps. I cross the hallway to Scout's room and knock on the door very gently, so my sisters don’t hear. There’s no answer, and I would rather not barge in, so I crack the door open slightly and peer inside. The fireplace is on, but the room is otherwise dark. Scout is laying in bed, still fast asleep. I debate with myself for a moment on what I should do, and before I decide, my feet make the choice for me. Slowly, I walk across the room and up the steps, gently laying her two sugars, no cream, coffee on the side table.
I fight the urge to glance over at her, forcing my body to turn the opposite way. My bare feet slightly tap the wood stairs as I make my way out when I hear a mumble from behind me.
“Sorry,” I whisper, thinking she must be scolding me.
“Wait.” The scratchy voice cuts through me, and I turn around, ready to risk it all at the sound of her plea.
“What’s wrong?” I whisper and step back up to the bed. Her eyes are half closed as she squints up at me.
“Come here,” She whispers, waving her hands for me to get closer. I smile at her tired frame flailing around and set my coffee next to her, crouching down to hear her better.
“All the way.”
“I’m crouching as much as I can.”
“Come to bed.” I swallow at her order.
“Uh…” I breathe. She reaches up and grabs my shirt, opening her eyes a bit more. Even in the dark, those amber eyes glow like gold on the brightest day.
“Please,” She whispers, tugging gently, and I sigh, crawling into bed next to her and getting under the covers. Immediately, she flocks to me, curling her warm body alongside mine like it’s meant to be there. It fits perfectly in place, and we sink into the mattress together.
After a little while, I can feel her breathing slow, and I know she’s fallen back asleep. I want this to last as long as possible, but we really shouldn’t be lingering long. Vince didn’t specify when that next test run will be, but we have to be ready with working devices by then. It’s my last strike. He didn’t say it, but I can feel it. My last strike, or he’ll draw this out for another year, and who knows when my dreams will come to fruition with that type of stalling period.