Chapter 11
AvoidingReg was like an extracurricular activity, one that I excelled at. Most of the time, at least, but there were times it was unavoidable to be in the same room with him. On Sunday we always had dinner together in the dining room and I couldn’t escape it without calling attention to myself.
So I surprised Mom by offering to help her cook, and it was actually really fun. I rarely did anything in the kitchen, and I never cooked something difficult like a lasagna, but when we put it in the oven, I was proud of myself.
But when we got to the point of eating it together, I wanted to vomit as my mind raced and my heart thudded heavy in my chest. At the very least, I thought about researching poisonous plants so next time I could give Reg’s portion a little extra spice. I could almost picture him with his eyes bulging and foam around his lips as he dropped forward onto his plate, dead.
“Thinking about something happy?” Reg asked and broke into my little fantasy.
“Oh, yes, I guess I am,” I replied and didn’t look at him.
“I thought you might be. You had a very content look on your face. Almost like you knew a secret or were trying to hide something,” he said, shoveling a forkful of pasta and cheese into his face.
“Nope, not hiding anything. I was just thinking about this joke Penny told me yesterday about Gandhi ordering a hot dog by saying, ‘make me one with everything,’“ I smiled.
Nat screwed up her face and glared at me, Reg frowned, and Mom said, “Oh that’s funny. It’s very clever.”
“Who the hell is Gandhi?” Nat asked. “I don’t get it.”
“He’s a creepy rapist pedophile,” I said, looking directly at Reg.
“Then why’s it funny?” she asked.
“Oh don’t be dramatic, Everly,” Mom said, then looked over at Nat. “He was a peaceful man who changed all of India through nonviolent protest. He was also very spiritual, so making him one with everything would mean like he was meditating.”
“You don’t have to show off, for fuck’s sake,” Reg snapped at her. “We get it, you’re smarter than the rest of us. Good for you, now shut the fuck up.”
I hated it when Reg would attack Mom like that for being pretty or smart. He was such an insecure shit bag that he couldn’t let her have any ounce of feeling good about herself or the way her brain held onto information when she learned it. His envy was pathetic.
“I asked about it, Dad,” Nat said, confused and hurt. “You don’t need to tell mom she’s showing off. She’s smart, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Nothing wrong at all,” Mom said, pleased that Nat defended her.
“If you’re so smart, why didn’t you get me a god damned beer with dinner?” Reg barked.
Mom leaped to her feet and scurried to the kitchen, leaving the three of us alone.
“You should apologize to her when she comes back,” I told Reg. “That was really awful of you.”
“I’m not apologizing for shit,” Reg said, scowling like a sullen little kid. “And don’t make me mad, Everly. Especially not in this room of all places, where I still have to think about what happened to me.”
“Yes, where you shot yourself,” I said with deliberate force, staring directly at him. His eye twitched in anger or fear, I couldn’t tell which one, and he opened his mouth to speak then closed it, clenching his jaw and pursing his lips together into a thin, white line.
He had gone downhill since the shooting. Reg had always been a good looking man, tall with thick brown hair and a square jawline. That’s what my mom said she loved. And the fact that he hadn’t gotten fat, she was very shallow that way and wasn’t afraid to admit it.
On top of that, he’d always been well groomed and clean shaven.
To me, he’d always been unsettling and creepy, but I’d always brushed it off as the fact that he wasn’t my biological father.
Now I knew better, and now his appearance matched the creepy level in my head. His hair was messy and unkempt, he had bags under his puffy eyes, his lips were dry and cracked, and he had a stubbled beard that showed way more silver than I would have guessed.
“Yes, darling, where I shot myself,” he agreed at last and you could feel the tension drain out of the room.
“Did you guys get in a fight or something?” Nat asked with a loud scoff. “You’re acting really weird with each other. You didn’t try to kill him, did you?”
She broke out in full laughter after that moment and I smiled at her to try and pull her away from the truth. She was getting too close to it now, and she’d get burned if she figured it out.
“I wish,” I laughed. “No, I think your dad is upset because I didn’t get any of the yard chores done this weekend. Parents hate coming home to find the lawn unraked and leaves everywhere, but I guess coming home from the hospital to this is like a double eff you.”