He looked down at my belly, then back up at me. “And I’m saying I can’t wait any longer. It will drive me insane, not knowing how you feel about me, wondering all the time when you are going to give me an answer.”
I hiccupped back a sob. “Where does that leave us?”
“You either say you’ll marry me right now, tonight. Or it’s over.”
“You can’t mean that.”
His eyes filled with tears. “But I do.”
I shook my head, tears falling down my cheeks. Then I took my hands back and stepped away from him. “Fine then,” I said. “If you want to give me an ultimatum, then I will give you my answer.” I looked at him, forcing him to meet my gaze. “I won’t marry you.”
He looked so hurt, a part of me wanted to take it back right away, but I held strong. I had chosen to have this baby, and that meant I was going to be a parent. I had to start putting this baby’s needs before my own. I loved Jonah, I really did, but this was no way to start a relationship. It was a recipe for disaster, and my baby deserved better than that. I tore my eyes away from Jonah’s and looked down at the floor, saying nothing.
He watched me for a few seconds longer, before leaving the apartment and closing the door softly behind him. I let out a single sob, then went and sat down on the couch. Tears streaming down my face, I ran a hand gently across my belly and spoke in a whisper.
“It’s okay, baby,” I said. “We don’t need him. I’ll take care of you—no matter what.”
Chapter Twenty
Jonah
Ispent Saturday and Sunday riding a rollercoaster of emotions.
The morning after I drunkenly professed my love to Kat, I made an effort to try and piece everything together, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was still coming up short. I remembered telling Kat that I loved her, and I was pretty sure I made it clear that I wanted to marry her for reasons beyond just her being pregnant, but other than that, most of our conversation was a blur. But I woke up with a pit in my stomach, which told me that I had said something I was going to regret. Big time.
When I tried to call Kat, she ignored the call, which told me things had gone poorly the night before.
On Sunday, in an attempt to distract myself from all the Kat drama, I took Victoria shopping for Christmas presents for all her friends. It did occupy my mind, for a while that is. It had been a long time since my daughter and I spent the day together, and I really enjoyed hearing about everything that was going on in her life. I would be leaving the following Tuesday for Japan, so she would be spending the week before Christmas with her grandmother, but I promised her I’d be back before the 25th and we would do all the family Christmas traditions we used to do with her mom.
“Can we go ice skating at the outdoor rink?”
I nodded. “Of course, we can.” She and I were sitting at a table in the food court, eating pretzels the size of our heads.
“And make sure you remember to buy the hot chocolate mom used to get. You have to go to that fancy store that sells all the European food.”
“I know, I know,” I said. “Did I forget to get the hot chocolate last year?”
“Fair enough,” she said. She got a text on her phone and was quickly engrossed with the thing. I looked around at all the busy shoppers, spotting a young couple holding hands and walking into a jewelry store. I wondered if they were going to look at engagement rings, which made me wonder what kind of ring Kat would’ve chosen if she had said yes.
Probably something understated and timelessly beautiful, just like her.
“Dad,” Vic said, snapping her fingers in front of my face. “Hey Dad.”
“Wha—yeah? What’s up?”
“You were just totally zoning out!” She laughed. “That’s like the fifth time you’ve done that today. What’s going on? Is everything okay?”
I smiled. “Everything is fine.”
“Really?” She put her pretzel down and folded her arms.
“Yeah, really,” I said. “Why do you ask?”
“Because these last few weeks, you seemed like you were, like,crazyhappy. Every time I saw you, you had a big smile on your face, and you laughed at every joke you heard on TV, even thereallybad ones. I was starting to think that maybe you met someone, but then, everything changed. You’ve been so out of it for the past couple of days.”
I had to laugh. “You know, kids who are perceptive and wise beyond their years are not all they’re cracked up to be. You can never get away with just saying everything is fine.”
“I’m just worried about you. I’m not trying to pry.”