I glanced that way and saw none other than Becca sitting three stools down with two empty glasses in front of her, nursing a fresh-looking bottle of beer. “You think you’ve had the week from hell?” She laughed. “Typical man. Always thinking they have it the worst.”
“What are you talking about?”
She slid over so that she was in the stool next to me, took a long swig from her beer, then sighed and looked me right in the eye. “How about you agree to take care of my tab for the night, richy rich, and you and I can have a little chat.”
I raised a brow. “About what?”
“About Kat,” she said. “About whatshe’sgoing through. And maybe, if you’re nice to me, and you buy me enough drinks, I will even tell you how you can win her back.”
Sean leaned over the bar, looking intrigued. “Interesting wager,” he said. He looked at me. “But are you sure that’s what you want? It sounds to me like this girl really did a number on you. Are you sure you can trust her?”
I eyed Sean, then looked back at Becca. “It’s not about trust,” I said. “It’s about love. And I do love her, despite my better judgment.” I stuck my hand out for a shake. “You have a deal. Sean, another round for both of us.”
Becca smiled. “If he’s buying, I’ll take a gin and tonic.” She winked at me. “Top shelf, please.”
* * *
Three drinks later, I learned that Kat may have had an even worse week. Apparently, after much turmoil and back and forth, she decided to keep the baby. But she was still terrified, and she was feeling more alone and scared since Dean wasn’t talking to her. He didn’t know she was pregnant, and when she tried to tell him Monday after he confronted her about the affair, the man was too angry and stormed off before she could get the words out.
According to Becca, she’s spent the last week on the couch, watching daytime television in between panic attacks in which she became convinced that she will be the worst mother in the world.
“I’ve tried to comfort her,” Becca said. “But she doesn’t listen to a word I say. Tonight, I just had to get away from her for a couple hours. I know that sounds horrible, but I’ve been holding her hand every single night this week and holding her hair back as she pukes each morning. I am trying to be a supportive friend, but she’s sort of losing her mind right now and I don’t know how to help her.”
“Oh God,” I said. “I feel awful. I never should’ve let her push me away like that. I should’ve gone over to your guys’ place and seen if she needed anything.”
Becca didn’t disagree with me. She just sipped her drink.
“What am I going to do? How do I get her back? She told me pointblank that a life with me isn’t what she wants!”
“She doesn’t know what she wants,” Becca said. “Er, that’s not true. She knows what she wants; it’s just such a scary idea for her, she won’t let herself admit it out loud. She can’t let herself be happy because she’s too afraid of being sad. But you can’t give up on her! You need to go over there and tell her how you really feel. Right now, she thinks you just proposed to her because you felt obligated.”
“You proposed to her?” Sean, who had been listening in, and ignoring a few customers’ requests for refills, chimed in. “I missed that part.”
“Yes, I did, and she acted like I was a plague victim who had just coughed on her.”
“It’s true,” Becca said. “Kat has been afraid of commitment for as long as I’ve known her, and maybe she really means it when she says she doesn't want to settle down, but I think she should at least have all the facts when she makes her decision. You said you love her earlier tonight.”
“I do.”
“Does she know that?”
I paused. “I—I don’t know. I never got a chance to say it.”
“Then say it.” She gave me a look. “Tonight.”
“Tonight? But I’ve been drinking and now it’s getting late.”
“Yes, tonight,” Becca said. “You have to do it now or you’ll lose your nerve.” She got her phone out. “I’m calling you a ride right now. Tonight is the night, Jonah. You have to go and tell Kat that you love her or else you might regret it for the rest of your life.”
I knew she was right, but that didn’t make the task any easier. I ordered one more round, bringing me to a solid five drinks for the night, and with no food in my stomach, then with Becca’s words echoing in my head, I ran outside to catch my ride.
As I drove through the downtown streets of Boston, I tried to come up with something good to say.
Kat—I love you.
It can be as simple as that.
Kat, I love you and I want you to marry me.