Chapter 11
Reesa
“Alissa, you’re not helping at all,” I said on speakerphone as I rifled through my closet for something to wear. “I don’t know who will be attending this dinner. Logan was very…vague.”
“You know Finn will be there and that’s all you should care about,” she teased. “I mean I’ve had to listen to you grumble for over a week now about him. You’d better go to this dinner and see him.”
“I don’t remember grumbling,” I said firmly. “We discussed him, and all the reasons why I shouldn’t be with him. But that’s not grumbling.”
“I wish I had recorded it. Because when you say we ‘discussed’ it, what really happened was you talked, I listened and listened and listened. Do you know you argued with yourself? I couldn’t get a word in at all,” Alissa said.
“I believe you’re exaggerating,” I stated, throwing another dress into the Not Tonight pile. “That’s not at all how I recall those conversations.”
“And you’re probably going to tell me that you’re not nervous about seeing him tonight either, right?”
I picked up the phone, switched it off speaker, and plopped onto the bed. “Why do I call you?”
Alissa chuckled. “Because you need a voice of reason. And deep down inside, you know what you want. All you need is a sounding board.”
“Alissa, knowing what you want and being able to have it are not the same thing. If they were, I’d still be in Ireland with Finn.” I can’t believe I said that. My life was here in Tabiq, but I was beginning to admit I’d left a piece of me in Ireland. That was what scared me so much about tonight. What if I found the connection with Finn was just as powerful here? I wouldn’t be able to tell myself that it was the location giving me big feelings and not the man.
He was planning to be here for one week. There was no way I could lock myself in my office all that time. He’d only come looking for me if I tried. But this wasn’t about what he was going to do. I’m afraid of my own actions.
I missed him so much that it hurt. We never even kissed, and yet, I yearned for his touch. The more time we spent together, the harder it would be when he left. And he will, because who would want to leave Ireland for Tabiq?
“Reesa, I don’t need to be on video chat to know that you’re sitting down thinking of how to get out of dinner tonight.”
How the hell does she know?
“Fine. That’s exactly what I am doing.”
“You need to get up and put on the red dress. You know, the one you wore when you came and visited us in the States?” Alissa said.
“That dress is…”
“Sexy! And trust me, you should wear it tonight,” she said. I could hear the encouraging smile in her voice.
From where I sat, I could see the dress hanging in my closet. It would definitely attract Finn’s attention. But it will attract everyone else’s attention, too. They are not used to seeing me that way.
“That’s asking for trouble, Alissa.”
“No. That’s asking to be kissed. That’s not the same thing. And if you tell me you don’t want him to kiss you, then I’m going to call you a liar.”
I want a lot more than a kiss.
“Alissa, the timing for this is horrible. I’m supposed to be hiring the replacement for Logan. How can I make a clear decision when all I want to do is…”
“Have sex with the guy?” Alissa blurted.
“Alissa. That’s so inappropriate,” I said. Accurate, but it’s still wrong.
“I thought you said you wanted someone who would keep it real with you. That’s what I’m doing. Telling it like it is.”
“And very bluntly, too,” I retorted.
“Sorry if I offended you,” she replied.
“You didn’t. I’m not a prude. There is nothing wrong with intimacy. It’s just…just that there is no point talking about something that won’t be happening,” I explained.