“I love you. I know it was hard today, but we made good work.” I bite my lip to stop from crying as Rose comes back to give me a hug. I hug her back, squeeze the living hell out of her. She feels like home. Like family. I don’t have that anymore. Sometimes this house is lonely. I’d rather be here alone than have my stepdad here, but sometimes at night, I just feel utterly alone.
Rose takes away that loneliness.
Jackson did too, for a while.
“Night.”
“Night.” I whisper, shutting and locking the door behind her.
I look at the files stacked on the table and close my eyes. So much to think about with no energy. I don’t know how I’ll choose. I would hate myself if I ever made the wrong choice.
I drag my feet to bed. When I enter my room, I hear a knock on my door.
I sigh. “Seriously?” Rose is notorious for leaving stuff at people’s houses.
Peeking through the blinds, I almost ignore it and walk back to my room.
“What do you want?” I groan at the pitiful man in front of me.
Jackson nods his head at the door, wanting to be let in.
I contemplate it only for a second. My hormones are out of whack, but one thing is for sure. They don’t want to refuse Jackson.
I unlock the door, and Jackson immediately steps inside, locking it behind him. “What do you want?” I say again.
Jackson presses his finger to my lips. I get ready to call him out and bite his finger off when he grabs me by the shoulder and spins me around, pushing me towards my room.
“What are you doing?” I whine.
He pushes me over to my bed and I crawl in. Jackson shuts the bedroom door, toeing off his shoes and peeling his t-shirt off. Crawling in behind me, he pulls me to him, back to his front.
Fucking spooning me.
He nestles his face into my hair and breathes deep. Inhales me and breathes in my soul. I melt into his arms, because I need someone strong right now.
Tears spill out of my eyes, unwanted but unable to be deterred.
He brings the hand that was curled around my stomach up to my face, blindly wiping my cheeks.
I cry.
I cry until delirium hits me. The room spins because I need sleep and rest, and as I finally start dozing, Jackson tightens his hold on me and whispers in my ear, “I’m sorry.”
12
Jackson
Iwake up tothe scent of Cara surrounding me. I lift my head and look down at her, seeing her sleeping form with a frown line still creased between her eyes. Even in sleep, the struggles she carries with her weigh her down. I so wish I could relieve her of her stresses and allow her to live her life carefree.
But she’s not, because it’s Cara. She carries the entire weight of the world on her shoulders and then tries to relieve the burden of those around her. She’s selfless and bottles things up when she hurts the most. Whenothershurther. She strong as steel on the outside but tries to hide her cracks on the inside.
When she sleeps like this, it’s like she becomes transparent and I can see what she keeps buried deep. I feel her emotions as if they are my own, and it makes me furious the pain she’s endured in this lifetime. In this life that she hasn’t even experienced half of yet, she’s gone through more pain than someone double, or even triple her age.
She deserves worlds more than what she has.
I brush her hair out of her face and rub my thumb down the line. Slowly, it fades out and she looks relaxed. I press a kiss to her temple and slide out of bed. I’m such a dick for how I treated her earlier. This whole baby adoption predicament has turned me upside down.
I selfishly want to make her change her mind and do what I want, but I know it’s wrong. I need to sit back and let her make her own decisions and cross my fingers that she makes the right one.