“Or this one?” Another folder comes flying past my face.
Over and over again, things fly past my face as Jackson loses his control. It’s like all the anger and frustration and hurt throughout the last few months has finally boiled over in the form of folders being chucked at my head.
When he’s thrown each one across the room, he stands there, breathing so heavily his chest trembles from across the room. He looks from me to Rose and back again. After a few moments, he turns on his heel and leaves, closing a door with a slam that shakes the walls.
I turn to Rose and fall to my knees, releasing a cry that racks my body in overwhelming waves. The ache and agony over Jackson’s departure is unbearable. It’s like my body knows after our mind-blowing romp in my bedroom, he left me. Because that’s what Jackson does, he leaves me in ruins.
“Honey, don’t be upset!” Rose comes over and wraps her arms around me. “Please don’t cry over that asshole. I’m going to tell Easton what he just did and make him kick his ass!”
I cry even harder at that, because I know Rose is going to do exactly that. She is seriously the best friend I’ve ever had. “I love you.” I sob into her chest, feeling like my life is falling apart when it was already in shambles in the first place.
“I love you too, Cara. Seriously, don’t let Jackson get to you. His mind is so much more fucked than we’ll ever know.”
I wipe my face and look up at her. “I mean seriously, he makes me feel so bad. Is what I’m doing wrong? He wants to keep the baby and it’s not like I don’t! I want this baby so bad, but I’m only thinking of what’s best for it! Neither of us are ready for a kid and I think Jackson would come to hate me if I put that burden on him! I just want this baby to have a better life than I did.”
“I know.” With tears in her eyes, Rose wraps me in her arms again and holds me tight. “I know you’re just trying to be a good mom. You giving the baby up doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It just means you’re stronger than half of the other girls out there in this world. Don’t let him get you down. He’ll thank you for it someday.”
The pit in my stomach only grows larger. “I thought you wanted me to keep the baby?”
She gives me a sad smile. “I’ll agree with you, whichever choice you choose. I think you’re brave for giving the baby up. If you wanted to keep it, I think you’d be strong for trying to take care of a baby with the situation you’re in. It’s a tough choice either way, and whether or not Jackson wants to stand behind you, Easton and I will. Don’t doubt that.”
I weep so hard. This girl is the best fucking friend anyone could ever have. No one could replace her. Ever.
“W-will you help me pick out a good mom and dad for my little bean?”
She smiles a soft smile at me. “Of course.”
She stands and picks up all the folders, bringing them back to the table and spreading them out much like I did earlier.
“Okay. First off, Mr. and Mrs. Anderson. Woodbury—nope. Hard no for these people.” She shuts the folder and sets it aside. I have to agree. Rose might have grown up in a good area, but those people are stuck up and I won’t let my kid grow up to be an arrogant shit.
“Next, Mr. and Mrs. Dobson. Okay… lives in South City, doctors…” She looks up at me and I shake my head.
“No. They’ll be so busy they’ll never be around.”
She nods her head. “My thoughts exactly. Okay, next.” She tosses that folder aside and picks up another one. “Mr. and Mrs. Simmons. From Autumn Ridge, he’s a college professor, she’s a manager at a bakery. Okay, they look promising.” I grab the file out of her hands and read it over. Looking for something, anything that’ll turn me away from them. I can’t find anything, though. They are literally a perfect couple. At least on paper.
“They seem okay.” I say.
Rose grabs the file out of my hands. “Okay, we’ll keep them in themaybepile. Let’s go through the rest and see if there are any others.”
We go through countless other folders before finishing. Narrowing it down to three, I’ve just about had it. “Okay, I can’t do this anymore. I’m exhausted.”
“Me too. I’m going to head out. Unless you want me to stick around?”
“Nah, that’s okay. I’m just going to crash.” I yawn, feeling like I could fall asleep right where I sit.
“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She comes and gives me a hug, and on her way to the door, she turns around. “Hey, you’re still planning to come to California in a couple weeks?”
Fuck. Totally forgot. “Ugh, I don’t know. I don’t really want to, mostly with how it’s been between me and Jackson lately.”
“Please come with me! I don’t want to go to some biker gang compound by myself! Easton and Jackson are going to be so busy anyway, I doubt we’ll see them at all! And when they are around, you can stick with me and E. You don’t even have to talk to Jackson.”
At the end of the day, I know either Jackson or Rose is probably going to force me to go anyway. “Let me think about it.”
She points at me. “Don’t leave me alone on this adventure, Cara!”
“Yeah, whatever. Get out of here.” I wave her off.