It's like there's a spotlight on them, enhancing the sticks and making the rest of the bathroom smothered in shadow. Like it's mocking me.
I forgot all about Easton's big fight tonight. Once I started walking to the store this morning, everything else kind of became a blur. Life melted away and the only thing I could think about is the answer on those tiny sticks. I consider just getting ready for the night and getting so shitfaced I forget all about them. Forgetting about all my problems and instead ignoring them until I'm forced to deal with it.
But I know, once I got to the Pit tonight, I'd be so on edge from not knowing the answer that I’d probably have to leave before Easton fights, anyway.
The Pit is an underground fighting ring where the most brutal fighters go to spill blood. It's not for lightweight boxers. If you plan to fight at the Pit, you better expect to get bloody.
No, I have to know if it's true. I have to know if I'm pregnant.
"Are you ready yet? We're going to be late." Rose shouts from the other side of the door, banging again.
"One, two, three…" I stand up and rush over to the sink before I have a chance to change my mind. I look at both of the sticks. One of them has a bold, pink plus displayed across the screen. There is no denying that it's a positive. The other one says in miniature capsPREGNANTand I feel it drop out of my hands before I even blink.
I'm fucking pregnant.
I bend down and pick up the stick. In a daze, I open the door and mumble, "Okay, before we go… I need to tell you something." I stick it in Rose's face, and her eyes grow wide before slapping my hand away from her.
"Fuck! What the—what the fuck?" I try sticking it in her face again, unable to even formulate the words in my mouth. She shoves me away—again. "What is that?"
"I'm pregnant." The words tumble out of my mouth and taste like a poisonous acid on my tongue. I don’t even have time to come to terms with the fact there is a fucking human growing inside of me.
They tumble out.
Effortlessly.
"What? Wh-who's is it?" She asks. And if she continues to give me that look of pity, I'm going to slap it right the fuck off her face.
"Who do you think? It's Jackson's!"
"Does he know?"
"No, he doesn't. Don't say anything to him or Easton. Promise me?" I clutch the pregnancy test between my hands in a prayer pose at the thought of Jackson finding out. He will find out, eventually. I just have no desire to tell him anytime soon.
I wish I never had to tell him.
"You're going to tell Jackson though, right?" She whispers, like she can hear my thoughts.
I shrug, feeling a heaviness in my chest as reality sinks into the deepest part of my bones. "Maybe. Probably. I don't know." I shrug again, feeling helpless.
I hate Jackson. I can't bring a baby into this world with how toxic our relationship is. Maybe I need to give it up for adoption? Maybe I need to—fuck.
Maybe.
"Why?" She asks, her bottom lip slightly wobbling, which makes my already inflated emotions completely overflow.
"Because I don't know if I'm going to keep it." And as the seconds go on, I know it's the right thing to do. I need to give it up for adoption. I can't keep this baby.
I don't want to keep this baby.
"Wh-why?" Her eyes fill up with tears, and it makes me angry. It makes meso, soangry.
"Because I fucking hate Jackson." I spit between my teeth. She has no idea how it got between us. She can never know how bad it got.
"What happened between you two? It's not like you guys have always hated each other." She says.
I feel the heat start creeping up my chest and neck, anger and fury swirling together with my hate for Jackson. "He is seriously the worst person I've ever met. I thought he was just hurting because of Logan, but it’s more than that. All he cares about is himself. Ugh, he's such a bastard!" I use all my might and chuck the pregnancy test into my bathroom. I wish it was something that could have shattered into a million pieces. "This is why I don't want to go tonight. I don't want to see Jackson, and honestly, I'm not in the mood to do anything besides mope." And research my options. I need to come up with a game plan, and fast.
"But, Cara… tonight is a big night for Easton. You know I need to be there. And I don't feel safe going without you."