"Nothing, sorry." I try to focus on Nate because we are here for him.
Once at the pool hall, the guys start flirting with the waitresses who are in short shorts and cleavage-revealing tops. We order drinks and the waitresses start flirting back. I'm sure to increase tips once they heard it was a bachelor party. Nevertheless, I step back and keep space between them and me.
There is no problem with the guys having their fun, but I want no part in it. My phone goes off and with the guys distracted, I check it again.
My Girl:The girls were drunk before we even got in the car. This is going to be a long night.
Me:Some of the guys started drinking in their rooms too. I miss you already. Is it too soon for that?
My Girl:I hope not because I miss you too.
When our drinks get here, I tuck my phone away, and we start playing. The guys are drinking and getting loud and rowdy. I just keep to myself, play some pool and chat when one of the guys comes over.
Two games in, Nate comes to stand by me, watching the others with me.
"Something is different about you, but I just can’t put my finger on it," he says.
I know Rory wants to give Nate and Mandy their day, but if we have this talk now, maybe we don't have to hide until after the wedding. Here we’re a few hours into this, and I'm already going crazy without her. But this is what she wants.
"We can talk after the wedding. This weekend is about you." I tell him, thinking he’ll drop it.
I should know better. I've known Nate for how long now? Of course, he isn't going to drop it.
"No, if something is going on, we need to talk now. I may be getting married, but you’re my best friend, and that's important too." He moves further away from the other guys to give us a bit of privacy.
I hesitate. While I know Rory doesn't want to do this now, but if there is a chance we can spend this wedding together, I have to take it. I want to be with her. Just the few hours this evening having to pretend she isn't mine is killing me and I know I can't keep this up for several more days.
It's easier to ask forgiveness than ask permission. That's what my dad always says, despite my mom not liking it. But as I got older, I realized it's true and even more so right now.
"Something changed on the drive here with Rory. She isn't your little sister anymore. Well, I mean, she is, but she's an adult, she's grown up, smart, and beautiful. Though you didn’t know it, I’ve always had a crush on her, but nothing came of it." I watch as his face hardens, but he hasn't said anything, so maybe it's a good thing.
"I want to date her. Not just as a fling. My feelings grew these last two weeks. I don't think I can stay away from her anymore, man. She’s, my Mandy. I think I always knew it but was scared to act on it.”
Nate still says nothing, but if looks could kill, this would for sure be lethal.
"My answer is no." Then he walks away and leaves me there.
Of all the ways I thought this might turn out, this wasn't it. Then I realize what I said.
"Nate, wait." He stops but doesn't turn toward me.
"We already started dating on the trip," I say, wanting to be upfront with him.
He looks over his shoulder, and thankfully we are still far enough from the other guys that they don't hear what’s going on.
"My answer doesn't change. You and her, not going to happen."
This time when he walks away, I let him. We have already happened. So much so that there is no going back. But right now, there is no going forward, and I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do.
What I do know is I can't stay here. I leave and get a cab back to the vineyard, and head straight to my room.
I have to tell Rory before she finds out from Nate or Mandy, but also don't want to ruin her night.
Me:Let me know when you get back to your room. Hope your night is going better than mine.
Then I lay there and wait. I know I can’t ruin Nate's wedding, which means essentially keeping this on the down low for the time being. But can I move forward at all with Nate saying no? He's my best friend, and we have been through some tough shit together.
But I love Rory, and I can't see myself walking away from her either.
What the fuck am I going to do?