The jolt to my heart knocked me sideways as I counted to five, slowly gaining my composure. I gave Luke’s hand a squeeze and looked him straight in the eye, already knowing that the next words from my mouth would break my guy’s perception of the cousin he obviously idolized so much but hopefully rebuild them slightly too.
“Tye was a monster…” I started, not fazed by the sharp wince that Luke made as I pulled him into my side, hating the risk he may pull away from me. “But he also was a savior.”
“Fred…”
“It’s okay baby, I’m here.” I brushed my lips against his forehead, not missing the tension ease as Luke’s shoulders slumped forward. “I know this ain’t easy, but I won’t lie to you. I won’t deceive you.” I peppered kisses down his cheek until I reached his lips and allowed a short, chaste lock of our lips. “I can’t because this…” I thumped my fist against my chest, before opening my palm flat, “loves you. You hear that. That thump in my heart beats for you and you alone, so please let me explain.”
“I trust you Fred,” Luke mumbled as he pulled back, watching me as I gave a small smile back.
“I know.”
Over the next hour, plenty of tears were shared as I explained how Tye used to be Dawson’s business partner and joint CEO’s of the RP Group and that was why he’d been so recognizable to Luke as it clicked in his memory that one Christmas they’d even spent it all together.
How fucked up or what? What threw Luke was the correlation to the time he went absent in his life actually lined up alongside the time he’d become involved with Dawson’s father, Stone, and tried to destroy everything Dawson had ever worked for and built in his life, wanting it all for himself. Pure greed. Stone had even managed to get Tye torn up and obsessed with Dawson’s own woman from the past, hoping that would destroy him.
Instead, it had the opposite effect, and he’d lost Everleigh to the man she’d always desired and been destined to be with: Dawson. Stone had miscalculated one thing in his plan: Love. Everleigh stood by Dawson’s side no matter what, even in the end.
“Baby, Stone was going to kill Everleigh and Dawson. He drove the car at them…” I uttered the words I’d been holding back all this time as Luke gripped my wrist. “Luke, Tye died for Dawson and Everleigh. He wanted to make amends and prove how sorry he was for all he’d done. Luke, he gave his life for my best friends.”
“Fred, no.” Luke breathed heavily. “I know he saved them. He did. I’m not questioning that…”
“Then what?”
“He saved himself from a life behind bars. A life of regret and misery. In his mind, it was the easy way out. It was what Tye did, escaping a problem no matter what,” Luke solemnly replied as he reached for the knot of my tie and pulled it. “For once, I’m glad he understood his actions, because all this time I mourned him.” He laughed, but it sounded hollow. “But in reality, he was up to his games again. When would he have stopped? What would have made him stop?”
“Nothing,” we both said together as the fabric of my tie suddenly became loose around my neck and I gulped hard.
“Any more hot and heavy talks to discuss?” Luke questioned, wrapping the tie around his wrist. “As I believe before we left tonight, I promised my mouth on your cock.”
“Yes, you certainly did.”
CHAPTERNINETEEN
LUKE
Standing at the foot of the bed and watching him sleep, I wanted to feel something. The whole time he explained what happened between Tye, Dawson and Everleigh last night, I wanted it to help me. I wanted it to make me feel something other than what I was currently feeling. More than anything, I wanted it to change my mind from what I knew was the right path.
It was selfish and stupid and it made me the biggest hypocrite considering how hard I had fought to get Freddie and I to here but as I watched the love of my life dream away his worries, I knew that his life had to go on without me. My friends back home were my family, and I knew that was the same for him here. I would never ever come between a family.
So if that meant I had to remove myself from the equation, then that’s what I was going to do. No. That’s what Iamgoing to do.
Turning around, I opened the door, but paused before I could close it.
“I love you, Freddie,” I whispered, finally speaking the words that I had wanted to say to him for a long while now. “Always.” I choked out the last word, feeling a tear leak down my cheek. I left the room and headed to the kitchen, taking a seat at the table.
I didn’t want anyone to look for me. I also didn’t want Freddie to think he could change my mind or make me come home to him. That’s what he was. Freddie had become my home, but sadly, it looked like it would have to be in another life.
I grabbed the pen and began writing my one and only letter to Freddie.
My goodbye to him.
* * *
To my Freddie,
I am trying to find the words to explain why I am doing this, but as I laid awake all night, holding you in my arms, I realize that there are no words. There are no words for why I am walking out on you. There are no words for why I am giving up on the one person that I love and the one person that I could actually see a future with.
Loving you became the most natural thing. You were so easy to fall for. All of your little quirks would have been aggravating with anyone else but with you, they just became cute little details that made you you. The man I love.