“That very well may be true for some couples, but…” His words trailed off and he shook his head. “Well, I’d rather not talk about my troubles at the moment. It’s too nice a day for those sort of storm clouds.” He thumped this cane on the ground for emphasis.
“I agree.”
“And please, don’t tell the rest of the family any of what I’ve let slip today.” Worry shadowed Gilbert’s eyes. “I’d like to keep the matter as private as I can until I can figure out what to do about certain… things. Additionally, I don’t wish to worry Mama. For her sake, she needs to continue thinking all is right between Madelene and me.”
“You have my discretion, of course, but should you ever wish for advice, I am here for you.”
“Also,” his swallow was audible. “I’d rather not tell you about my troubles right now for fear the shock of it would cause your heart to stop. The story is rather sordid and scandalous.”
Oh, the poor thing!“Is it that bad, then?”
“In some ways, I think so, and I’m not certain there is a way to fix the union… or even if I wish to.” The admission came out on the heels of a whisper. “Things are too far gone.”
“I understand. We all have valleys we must pass through.” Though some of them do not lead to happy endings. “You shall be in my thoughts.” She kept hold of his hand as he nodded. In silence, they made their way back up the lane. Once the outlines of the manor house of Ettesmere Park came into view, she let go of him. “Will you stay here, or will you return to London once Mama’s celebrations conclude later this summer? Since her ball not long ago was such a success, she is determined to throw at least one more.” This made her happy, for she did so love to dance. At least the sets that weren’t as strenuous.
And soon enough, there would be no more dancing.
“I haven’t decided yet. But I do know one thing with certainty.”
“Oh?”
“I will not return to India.”
Sophia couldn’t help but giggle. “Was it very hot?”
“Quite frankly, it was miserable, but I learned much about tea while I was there, and because of that, I hope to encourage business away from the East India Company, perhaps become a buyer for local tea cafes and shops.” When he glanced at her, excitement danced in his eyes. It was the first she’d spied in all too long a time. “I found an affinity for being able to pair food with the appropriate tea from different regions, and I adore sharing that knowledge with others. It is quite fulfilling.”
“That makes me happy. You need more of that, I think.”
“I can brew up some of my samples for you if you’d like.”
“I actually would. It all sounds so fascinating.” As they stepped over a small bridge that went over a wide creek, Sophia removed the daisy from behind her ear. She kissed the bloom and then dropped it into the water, where the current took it and sent it meandering downstream. Perhaps the flower would make someone smile, and perhaps it would bring her good fortune.
“I hope you’ll find that same happiness soon.” He once again linked their arms and set them off. “Please don’t waste the time you have remaining on things that don’t matter. Live it doing something you love, something you have always wished to do, something that will leave an impression and make us all smile when we think upon it.”
Their conversation had come full circle. “As best that I can, I shall try.” If she let it, worry over the future and the terror of the unknown would swallow her whole. “I only wish I had the time or the opportunity for one last romance.”
Gilbert glanced at her with speculation in his eyes. “Would you marry again, then?”
“Honestly? Yes.” Sophia nodded. “If I had the chance and that chance arrived soon, I think I would marry again. Not only for Hannah’s sake, but also for mine. When one is facing one’s possible last days or months on this mortal coil, one wishes to spend it with a man who adores them.” She flashed him a grin. “And I wouldn’t mind enjoying the physical acts that come along with being married.”
“Good God! Is there nothing you won’t talk about?” Her brother gawked at her with an expression of awe mixed with apprehension. The hand on the head of his cane tightened.
She laughed, and it felt good to do so. “Open and honest communication is the key in every situation.” Then she shrugged. “It is not a crime to enjoy intercourse. Nor is it a sin to bring oneself to that same state of release. However, it’s not as enjoyable.” Oh, she did so enjoy making her brothers squirm with her plain speaking.
A flush rose above Gilbert’s collar. “Yet, you were diagnosed with your heart ailment well after your last husband passed.” He frowned. “Are you certain that organ could take the strain of such… activities?”
How unseemly it would be to have a maid discover that she’d passed in the night beside her husband as a result of physical exertions. But she giggled anyway. It was simply marvelous to think about. “I don’t suppose it’s any more exerting than waltzing, and I only just indulged in that last week at Mama’s ball.” Tingles of need danced briefly through her core, for it had been a while since she’d lain with a man or brought herself to that state with her fingers. “In many ways, after achieving release, a woman is quite relaxed.”
“Sophia, please.” The pleading his eyes was almost frantic. “You must cease this vein of the conversation. It’s not right to discuss such things with your brother.”
Oh, but it was such fun to tease! “Fear not. I’m quite finished with this discussion.” She patted his arm. “The likelihood of an interesting candidate presenting himself while we’re in the countryside is highly unlikely.” With a sigh, she turned her gaze to the manor. “I know this is a fact, for at the ball Mama threw just a week past, the eligible men there were either vastly too young or far too old to suit me.”
Such was life.
“Don’t give up hope. If a third marriage is what you wish for, perhaps fate in all its fickle wisdom will bring a man to your doorstep.” Then he pulled a face, much like he had when they were children. “And if not, I suppose you’ll expire a wrinkled and desperate shell of yourself.”
“How rude, Gilbert.” Playfully, she smacked his shoulder. “As of yet, I’ve managed to keep the worst of the wrinkles from my face.” Yet there were silver threads sprinkled throughout her blonde hair. If it weren’t for that, no one would ever guess her age.
“I just want you to remember to think realistically.” He bussed her cheek. Then, once he pulled away, he touched a gloved finger to the pink enamel rose pinned to one side of her chignon. “Remember what this signifies, but I do hope you are able to find what you need that will make the remainder of your life pleasant.”
Her papa had gifted her the hairpin on the eve of her first wedding. He’d told her it represented that hope sprang eternal and to never give up on her dreams. She wore it every day, not only as a remembrance of him, but of his words. They had become a mantra of sorts.
“As do I.” To say nothing of the fact that she still needed to tell her daughter of her health crisis. For the time being, she simply hadn’t found the words that would soften such a blow, and she would rather wrench out her weakened heart that break Hannah’s.
Why is life so cruel at times?