Where there was probably nothing.
A trace of fear and pain shadowed his brown eyes before it vanished at his next blink. Did he ponder her existence or problems in his? Though he’d been a staunch supporter of hers, he kept his own affairs quite private. And the absence of his wife was telling, yet he spoke not a word. “Life is precious just now. We shouldn’t waste it.” He tugged her into his arms, and Sophia gratefully leaned on his strength. “How do you plan to use your remaining time?”
“I haven’t given it much thought.” Oh, but that was a lie! Truth be told, there was so much she wished she could to, so many places she wanted to visit, so many things she needed to tell so many people. “At the moment, my first priority is spending time with Hannah. After that?” She shrugged. “I should try and find someone who can look after her once I’m gone.”
“Surely we can do that.” Gilbert held her at arm’s length. “Between Arthur and me, your daughter will attain womanhood as if you were with her.”
“But it’s not the same as having a parent, is it?” Sophia sighed. She continued her stroll, smiling when he came with her. “Hannah is twelve, and it is a difficult age for any child. I don’t want her to grow up without a steadying influence in her life. Uncles and her grandmother are wonderful, of course, but all of you have your own paths to tread. I fear Hannah might become lost in that.”
“It’s understandable.” Gilbert remained quiet as they strolled back toward Ettesmere Park. The thud of his cane hitting the ground was comforting. “Speaking of brothers, is it true that Arthur is to be married?”
Her heart gave a little thump of excitement, but she quickly took a few deep breaths to discourage a prolonged period of that feeling. “Yes. He met Julianna quite by accident a few weeks back. She’s a self-taught astronomer and lives not far from the village.” Sophia smiled at him. “The two are adorable together. Once Arthur relinquished some of his guilt regarding starting a new relationship, let go some of the fear he might lose a second wife, too, it seemed love came sailing in.”
Oh, how she envied him that!
“Why the devil would he wish for a second marriage when he’d barely survived the first?” Genuine astonishment wove through Gilbert’s voice. “I cannot imagine wishing to go through that gauntlet again.”
How interesting.“Arthur is perfectly happy with Julianna. They are in that sickeningly sweet, new-love stage where they are practically in each other’s pockets and kissing when they think no one is looking.” She remembered those days with each of her husbands. What she wouldn’t give to go back in time and experience them just once more.
To hear their voices, know that everything would come out right in the end.
To share a kiss and become lost in those lovely sensations and escape the fear if just for a moment.
“So I’ve already noticed.” Bitterness wove though his voice. “However, I wish him well. He is a man who needs a woman in his life in whatever capacity, and I’ve never known him to take a mistress.”
In this, both of her brothers were quite honorable. To her knowledge, her father had been the same, and they all proved an example of what a true gentleman should be. “Though Arthur had been very much in love with his first wife, eventually loneliness made him seek something different, and Julianna is that. She is nothing like Ellen. I’m thrilled for him. Perhaps I can convince them to marry before I run out of time.” A waver entered her voice. “I do so adore weddings and the chance to dress in pretty clothes.”
It was rather one of her shortcomings, that vanity. Beautiful gowns and luxurious fabrics were a weakness, and then paired with sparkling jewels and beaded slippers, her heart was happy. She loved the way she felt when wearing pretty things, as if such happiness could last forever.
“Bah.” Her brother huffed. He tapped his cane against the ground. “Love is quite fickle. It never lasts and betrays all too easily. Quite frankly, I wonder if it’s even worth a man’s time.”
Sophia shot him a look with a raised eyebrow. “Why are you so bitter?”
“I have just cause.”
“Will you tell me?”
“I’d rather not right now.” Strain lined his face.
What exactly had occurred in his own marriage? “Why didn’t your wife come to Ettesmere Park with you?” In fact, had he even visited with her at all in London? When he returned from India where he’d been making his fortune, he’d spent time at this property, and then as their mother summoned them all to the countryside, he’d taken himself off for a short hunting holiday. How very odd indeed. Was there trouble in the union? They hadn’t been married long before he went away. But she refused to ask. “When the two of you married, you were as thick as thieves. The attraction ran so hot, even I was embarrassed for you, and I’m usually one to champion delicious scandal.”
“Marriage is more than heat and scandal.” A muscle ticced in his cheek. “Suffice it to say, Madelene keeps her own schedule. If she wished to come to Ettesmere Park, she would have. No doubt Mama invited her as she did us. I haven’t spoken to her in person since I left for India.” At her gasp, he shook his head. “Though I do send a weekly letter.”
“Does she answer them?” Her heart tugged for him. Whatever had gone wrong, she hoped he would make it right. Love was too precious for separation.
“It depends on her mood.” Gilbert’s body tensed beside her. “As for love,” he fairly bit off the word, “I wonder if I even believe in such an emotion any longer. After what my wife and I have been through, disaster after disaster, to say nothing of disappointment, I rather think it’s a thing of fairy stories only.”
That was the most personal admission she’d heard from him. “Is everything well between you and Madelene?” She hadn’t seen her sister-in-law for a good six months or so, and that had been while in London. The woman kept to herself and didn’t visit often, neither had she invited the Winterbournes over for dinner or anything else. No one knew exactly why but considered she might be finding her path within the family, or she wasn’t weathering the loneliness well since Gilbert had gone off to India. When he’d left, they’d been married barely two years, but Madelene wasn’t a social butterfly to begin with.
It had been one of the reasons she’d caught Gilbert’s eye.
And in Sophia’s defense, she’d had her own crisis to come to terms with.
“Ha!” He shook his head. “That all depends on one’s viewpoint, doesn’t it?” The pain had returned to his eyes, and though she desperately wished to know the story behind it, she refrained from asking. This was his mess, and he would need to extricate his way out. When he’d married Madelene, he’d not given the family much warning, had claimed love at first sight. Perhaps his current contretemps was a result of that.
Her time was too precious to try and sort someone else’s life.
“My dearest baby brother.” She grabbed his free hand and squeezed his fingers. “I truly hope you’ll discover the truth behind your animosity. For both your sakes, because love, when you find it, should be fought for by both parties. There is nothing like it in the world, and you should hold tight to it.”