* * * *
Olin spotted the wayward brat watering the herb garden out back, and he was again startled by just how much he enjoyed watching her. She reminded him of fish at an aquarium, how the antics as they swam back and forth calmed him.
She was bright and often oblivious of the large predators just around her. She moved from one place to another, never still, never realizing the dangers of the world.
He remembered the phone call from Jerry and pressed his lips together.She’s well aware of the dangers now…
He hated that she’d had to learn that, that she’d had to deal with that. He’d have much rather sheltered her from the uglier parts of life, from her having to endure what she had, from having her sense of safety shattered. Unfortunately, if his job had taught him nothing else, it sure had made him learn that no one could be saved from everything. Life got its claws into everyone sooner or later.
He’d had the station look into her records, to try and chase down the number that had called her, but as Jerry had claimed, they’d had no luck. It seemed he’d used it the once, then discarded it. It left them with nothing, as usual.
Kat filled a large watering can at the hose, but when she went to lift it, she struggled. The sight brought a smile to Olin’s lips, so he jogged over. “Here, let me.”
He lifted the watering can, surprised to find it heavier than he expected. It wasn’t plastic like so many but made out of metal. Still, he lifted it with ease. “Lead the way.”
“Thanks,” Kat said before offering him a brilliant smile, the sweet one he adored. Sure, he liked her feisty side too, her bratty side, but there was something about when she gave him that unfiltered smile, something about the unexpected sweetness that robbed him of his wits.
He followed her back to the herb garden, the one she’d set up a few days before. While Bradley grew some vegetables, he hadn’t had herbs. It seemed they all spoiled Kat, because it had only taken one wistful comment the night before and Bradley had built a raised bed just outside the back door early the next morning, then had one of the farmhands pick up a selection of herbs to plant.
And Kat’s face had glowed, even though Bradley hadn’t said more than a word or two about it.
When they reached the garden, Kat pointed at the plants she wanted him to water and told him when to stop. Once the watering can had lightened, he handed it over to her to finish.
Still, she kept her distance, leaving a few feet between them as if unsure of her welcome.
Which he couldn’t exactly blame her for.
“Can we talk?” he asked, his voice low.
“It seems we are.” Kat’s response lacked heart, as if she wanted to brat but just lacked the energy.
Which was his fault for acting as he had the other night.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered. When she didn’t respond, he silently cursed her for being difficult even as he admitted he owed her more. After a long breath, he went on. “I’m sorry about the other night.”
“You mean the one where you had sex with me, then avoided me since? That one?”
“You could make this a little easier, you know.”
She lifted the watering can high to pour a stream onto a small plant of Thai basil on the third shelf of planters. “I’ve always lived by the idea that you should never make the same mistake twice. Make new, exciting mistakes instead.” She set the can down when she finished, then turned and sat on the edge of the planter. “So if I don’t understand the mistake I made and you don’t understand the one you made, how are we not going to repeat it?”
He pressed his lips together, then sighed softly. “You know, you’re smarter than people give you credit for.”
“Or you’re just not as smart as you think. I don’t want an apology, Olin. I want to understand.”
His name on her lips made his heart race, even though he knew that was an entirely foolish reaction. He turned and sat beside her, letting himself stare out at the distance instead of at her. “I already told you that I almost lost everything before, that this lifestyle really screwed me over. I swore I’d never look back, that I’d never let it do that to me again.”
“So why are you here? You keep telling me how you don’t want any part of that, how you can’t do that, but you also stay here. I don’t think you know what you want, and that isn’t fair to me.”
He leaned his elbows on his knees. “I’ve asked myself why I’m here every damned night as well.”
Kat rose in a huff. “Well, in that case, why don’t you just leave?” She went to storm off, her emotions no doubt running high.
Olin caught her wrist before she could get more than a foot away, then tugged her until she sat on his lap. He forced himself to look into her eyes, to not hide, no matter how scary that felt. Hell, he’d rather face off against a gun-wielding lunatic than bare himself to her like this.
Still, he made himself. “Why am I here? Because I can’t stop thinking about you, Kat. No matter what I tell myself, no matter how much I lecture myself about how dangerous this is, I just can’t seem to stop.”
“That’s your problem. You can’t jerk me around because you’re unsure.”