Which was true. “I know,” he said, trying to keep his voice gentle. “I know it’s not fair. It’s just…I tell myself one thing, then I see you and it’s like everything I thought goes out the window. I thought I could just be your friend, I thought I could just be vanilla, I thought we could keep this casual, but you undo all my plans, Kat. You smile at me—or you glare—and it’s like nothing I said before matters.”
She melted slightly at that, her shoulders drooping as if some of the tension slid away. “So what does that mean?”
“It means I don’t know where this could go, not after we leave here. I still have my job to think about, still need to consider the logistics of how much I can give, but for now?” He stroked his finger across her soft cheek, warm from the sun. “For now I want to stop resisting, stop telling myself I can’t have you.”
“So you’re offering me a ‘maybe, but I don’t know for how long’?” When she put it like that, he had to admit, it sounded like a bad deal to her.
“I can’t lie to you, Kat. I won’t sit here and tell you this’ll be forever, that things will suddenly become easier, and we’ll have no problems. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go to Sanctuary, if that’s something I’ll be able to give you. I’ll understand if you tell me that isn’t enough for you, that you don’t want that, and I’ll respect it. I’ll leave you alone while we’re here, won’t push you. I just know that I’m tired of writing things off before I even get a chance to try, and I sure as hell don’t want to lose you before we’ve even seen what it could be. It’s up to you, though.”
Olin had no idea just how nervous he’d be after saying something so honest. It was as if he’d shown her some deep wound of his and was now waiting to see if she’d poke at it or not.
Kat stared at him, her eyebrows furrowed. Finally, her lips pulled up at the corners. “I guess we never know how long something lasts, right? Thanks for being upfront. I don’t know if, after we leave here, what you’re offering will be enough, but I don’t want to give up yet, either.”
“So we’ll give it a try here? Stop fighting it?”
Her smile turned from sweet to mischievous in a heartbeat, and Olin knew right there he was lost. He didn’t think there was anything he wouldn’t do for her, anything he’d deny her, not when she gave him a look like that. “I mean, if you think you’re up for it. Younger men than you have failed to keep up with me.”
Olin pulled her in for a kiss, before tasting her lips as he’d wanted to do for so damned long. He was tired of resisting, tired of telling himself he couldn’t have what he really wanted.
And even if it cost him everything, even if it ruined him all over again, Olin wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to let her go.