“Got it.”
Doctor Eric nodded thoughtfully. Not like he was trying to catch her up in a lie, more like he was putting together a puzzle.
“Did your top do this to you? Is that why you went to Hive instead of someone else to get help? Because you thought Hudson would understand?”
People like Doctor Eric wouldn’t understand any of this. He wasn’t wearing a wedding ring but she bet he had a family and he obviously had friends and co-workers. How could she explain she’d only had Master for eight years? How could she say she literally had no other choice except to show up on some stranger’s doorstep?
“Cosima.”
She looked up when Doctor Eric said her name. Master had never used it, and she felt almost as though there were a whole different person inside her who was scared to break through the shell she’d built around herself. A shell called whore, slut, bitch, cumdump, fuck holes, worthless, cunt, trash…
Everyone here talked toCosimaand maybe,maybeshe could let a little of who she used to be out since that seemed to be who they were all so desperate to talk to.
“Why did you go see Hudson?” he prodded gently.
She swallowed first and had to clench her shaking hands in her blanket, but she licked her lips and took a breath. “I went to see Hudson because I knew his address. He gave me his card and I memorized it.”
Hudson Lindberg, co-owner
1864 Pine Street
Clover City
It had a phone number too, but that hadn’t done her any good without a phone.
Cosima expected Doctor Eric to narrow his eyes and ask her a lot more questions but he didn’t. He smiled in that friendly way of his and said, “That was really smart. Hudson’s a good person to go to when you’re having a hard time. Sometimes I hang out with him or call him after I’ve had a rough day.”
She didn’t say anything back but her heart rate slowed to its normal rhythm after it had sped up in panic.
“Okay,” Doctor Eric said, setting his hands on his knees and then pushing up to stand. “I’ve got to hit the road, my friend. Get back to my office to see my patients. But Nora was right, I think we could be friends. Can I come see you again tomorrow? I promise to do what I can to let Hudson come visit you.”
Why would Doctor Eric want to see her again? Nora visited all the time, but Cosima also knew she frustrated Nora and the other staff. And especially the police officers—they had scared her. Doctor Eric didn’t scare her though. Maybe…maybe she could have friends now. Even though Master loomed large in her mind, maybe he’d really left her for dead and wasn’t as all-knowing as he’d always claimed.
“Um, okay.”
“I’ll take it,” he said and gave her one of those kind smiles again. “Hey, can I bring you anything? Books to read? You have any hobbies? Crosswords or knitting, something like that? I like those paint-by-sticker books.”
Cosima shook her head automatically because she wasn’t allowed to have things. Shewasa thing. But paint-by-sticker books? Those sounded fun. And if he was asking, he probably wanted to bring her something.
“Could you, if it’s not too much trouble, could I haveThe Phoenician Portal? I read the other two books in the Royal Mediterranean series but not the last one and—”
She cut herself off, not wanting to finish the sentence. She’d loved those books, thought about them all the time, imagined what might’ve happened inThe Phoenician Portalwhen she had trouble falling asleep but of course she’d never been allowed to have the last book. Or any books for that matter.
Doctor Eric’s smile faltered but it was more like a twitch because it was back in a split-second. “No problem. See you later, alligator.”