Eyes narrowed, I turned to her. “Of course I’m calling her.”
“Not today. She doesn’t want to talk to you today. Give her some space.”
“I fucked up. I have to make it right.” My phone came to life, alerting me to something like a thousand missed calls and texts.
“I don’t think you can,” she said softly, patting my cheek. “This is beyond your puppy dog eyes and dimpled smiles. Far beyond.”
“What do you expect me to do? Nothing?”
“Send her a text, tell her you’re alive and deeply sorry, grab a drink of water, then come sit down and let me tell you about the ultrasound.” She let her forehead drop on my shoulder. “I love you, Moses, but I hate you a little right now.”
Exhaling through the pain in my head and ache in my chest, I leaned against the counter. Last night had been so fucking stupid. I don’t think I even had fun. We went from club to club, faceless people in our entourage. All of it had left me so empty, the only thing I could do was fill myself with alcohol. I couldn’t even remember coming back to Murray’s place, but I knew I had set an alarm to wake me up for the appointment. Too bad my phone died before it went off.
Fuck. Michaela had to be livid, especially after my stellar behavior last night. Besides that, I was bitterly disappointed at missing the chance to see the ultrasound.
I tapped out a message to Michaela.
I’m so fucking sorry, Mic. My phone went dead and I didn’t wake up. I’ve got no excuse, though. I messed up monumentally. Yael told me not to call, so I won’t right now, but I will later. I hope you’re feeling well. I miss you, Mic. Please let me know you got on the bus okay. I’ll talk to you soon.
Yael and Murray were in the living room, sitting on opposite sides of his couch. With a bottle of water in hand, I sat my stiff body down in one of Murray’s uncomfortable armchairs. I took a few sips of water, making sure it’d stay down, then took two or three long swallows.
“Did she find out what we’re having?” I asked.
Yael shook her head. “No, she said you were the one who’d really wanted to, and since she wanted to share that with you, she decided against it.”
I nodded, my gut clenching. “Did everything go okay?”
Yael’s lips pinched for a moment before she schooled her features. What the hell was that about?
“The baby was moving everywhere. Michaela could feel the kicks we saw on the screen, which was so damn cool. The tech measured everything. I guess it went on for about an hour. The heart was gorgeous, beating like a champ. The baby’s got a cute little profile, definitely Michaela’s adorable nose.”
She leaned forward and handed me a picture. I studied it, finding the profile, tiny body, and bent legs. Knowing this was my kid made my chest swell.
“God, it’s gotten so much bigger than the last ultrasound.” I passed the picture to Murray, who scanned it carefully. Yael pointed out the parts to him, for once being civil.
Hungry for more, for everything, I asked, “What else?”
Yael’s eyes flicked up from the picture in Murray’s hand. Her lips pinched again. “The tech took a lot of still shots, especially of the baby’s head. She wouldn’t tell us anything, but the doctor came back and double-checked the baby’s skull. She said there might be an issue—”
Yael continued to explain, using words like “plates” and “sutures,” while blood roared in my ears, making it hard to hear exactly what was coming out of her mouth. I knew it wasn’t good.
“But is the baby okay?” My fingers dug into my thighs, barely containing my panic.
She blinked slowly, rubbing her lips together. “Yes. Like I said, the heartbeat is great, but Michaela is going to a specialist in two weeks. That doctor will be able to see the skull more clearly, and she’ll be able to get a firm diagnosis. It might be nothing, or it might be something. At this point, all we can do is wait.”
Clutching my head in my hands, I folded in half, rocking. “I can’t believe this.”
“Moses.” Yael dropped to her knees in front of me. “It’s okay. We don’t know anything.”
I was terrified. More terrified than I’d ever been. Michaela had to be going out of her mind with worry, and I wasn’t there—hadn’t been there. I’d let my ego get the better of me, once again, and now, here I was, farther away from my wife and baby than ever. She’d needed me, and I’d been drunk, passed out, fulfilling her every expectation of me.
“What does it mean?” Murray asked.
Yael twisted around to face him. “What?”
“If the sutures are overlapping. What does that mean?”
“No.” She held up her hand. “We’re not playing doctor with Google. We’re not looking this up when we don’t know anything. No matter what, that baby is ours, and we will love it.”