Bella raised an eyebrow. “Other stuff? Like what?” She had no idea what Heath was talking about which was part of the problem. He had hidden things from her—issues he didn’t want to face head-on. Every time she had asked him about his birth mother, Heath had been tight-lipped. All Bella knew was that she had died when he was a young child of six or seven. Then he had gone to foster care, which led to his adoption by the Donahue family.
Heath let go of her hand and squirmed in his seat. “Stuff from childhood. Things you don’t know about, Bella.”
She let out a ragged sigh. “Yes, because you never fully let me in. It took me years and years to realize it. We were together since high school, yet I still don’t know the story of you.”
“I admit to being closed off regarding my past, Bella. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get married.”
“I don’t need you to rescue me. We’re going to be fine, the baby and me.” She tilted her chin up high. “I’ll never stop you from being a part of this child’s life. You’ll always be his or her father, but I don’t need you to be my husband. The only reason I will ever get married is because I believe that it’s a lifetime commitment, not something based on fear or regret. It’s honorable to want to do the right thing, but I don’t need to be rescued, Heath. I’m way stronger than I ever realized.”
“I’m not trying to rescue you. I just want our child to be given a strong foundation. There’s nothing as solid as being raised in a household with two parents.”
“That’s not true really,” Bella said. “The most loving thing you can do for your child is to love his or her mother. Growing up, I always knew how fervently my father loved and adored my mother. It gave me legs to stand on.”
Heath’s eyes widened. “I do love you, Bella. I always have.”
Bella felt a pang in the region of her heart. How she had ached to hear those words from Heath’s lips for the last five months. But she hadn’t heard a single word from him. And now he was suggesting marriage for the sake of their child. Although she loved her baby more than her own life, Bella couldn’t agree to a marriage simply due to their unborn child. She had always been so certain of Heath’s love, but at the moment she doubted it. She’d spent the last five months healing from their break up. During that time, she’d leaned on God first and foremost, followed by her sisters and father. She was way stronger than she’d ever realized.
She still loved Heath, but she wasn’t sure she could ever trust in their love again. The wounds he had inflicted ran too deep. The hurt went all the way down to her very core.
Bella didn’t want to look at him. It was far too dangerous for her equilibrium. She needed to guard her heart against Heath. She couldn’t afford a broken heart, not when it had taken her the last five months to even begin to heal.
“We’re not getting married, Heath. I appreciate the offer, but I have no intention of getting married solely because I’m pregnant.” She held up her hand as he opened his mouth to respond. “Please don’t fight me on this. It won’t do any good. I’ve had to examine myself a lot these past five months. I think we both compromised our principles by becoming intimate before marriage. I can’t change that, but I’ve grown from it. God has been by my side this whole time. Sometimes it felt like He was the only one who understood my pain. Not only was I reeling from our relationship ending, but I lost my best friend. And I had to deal with the baby news all by myself.” She sucked in a deep breath, feeling as if she might break down and cry. The past five months had been brutal beyond belief. It was hard to even put it into words.
“I’m not the same person you fell in love with, Heath. I’ve changed. And there’s no going back.”
He shook his head, sorrow emanating from his eyes. “I did that to you, didn’t I?”
Bella wrapped her hands around her mug and shrugged. “There’s no point in placing blame. It is what it is. We just have to deal with the here and now.”
Heath ran his hand over his face. He looked exhausted. “It’s getting late, Bella. And you need your rest. You weren’t expecting me to show up. I should go.”
“Let me walk you out,” she said, standing up and leading the way down the hall toward the front door.
They stood at the front door facing each other. Bella felt something humming and pulsing in the air between them. She wasn’t about to tell Heath, but she still loved him as much as she ever had. Maybe even more. Being without him had shown her the depth of her feelings for him. Love wasn’t enough though. There were still so many issues looming between them.
“Night, Bella. I’m going to be checking in on you regularly. I plan to be in this child’s life every step of the way. I know I’ve made it hard for you to trust me, but please believe me when I say I’m in this with you one hundred percent.” Before she knew it, he was leaning in and placing a sweet kiss on her lips. The moment their lips met, Bella felt her knees almost buckling. She pressed her eyes closed and leaned in to the kiss. It had been so long since Heath had kissed her. It felt like an eternity. She knew she should pull away from the kiss, but she was helpless to end it. Heath’s lips tasted like the orange tea she’d just served him. Pure sweetness.
As they finally pulled apart, Heath whispered her name against her lips. “Bella. I haven’t given up on us. Not by a long shot.”
She looked up at him, reminding herself not to get lost in his baby blues. Been there, done that, she told herself. Tread carefully.
Bella gently pushed him away from her. “Goodnight, Heath. We really shouldn’t have done that. It’s blurring the lines. I want to co-parent with you, but that’s all.”
She watched as a vein throbbed by Heath’s forehead. He looked confused. Kissing him had been foolish. But she couldn’t deny how good it had felt.
Heath nodded. “Night, Bells,” he said, using his pet nickname for her.
She closed the door behind him and pressed her back against it. She cradled her arms around her stomach and let out a sigh. Tonight’s turn of events had been unexpected. Heath showing up at her house had turned everything upside down. Seeing him had thrown her off course. Just when she’d thought she was moving past their breakup, the sight of him in the flesh had shown her the cold, hard truth. She still loved him. Fiercely. And she feared she might never stop loving him. Most people had one grand love in their lives if they were lucky. Heath was her one great love.
At least he now knew the truth about the baby. It had been weighing on her for weeks. Although he’d put on a good act, Bella knew him well enough to know he had been shocked down to his core.
It had been sweet of him to propose marriage, even though it wasn’t an offer she could accept. Perhaps if he had asked her before seeing her pregnant belly she might have said yes. His proposal had been full of obligation and duty and a sense of responsibility. It hadn’t been based on abiding love for her.
She rubbed her belly. “Don’t worry, kiddo. We’re going to be just fine. I’m going to love you like nobody’s business. And your daddy is going to think you hung the moon. I just know it. You’re going to be surrounded by love. I promise.” Bella’s words to her unborn child served as a sacred promise. Despite the less than ideal circumstances, she would be the best mother possible. And she knew with all her heart that Heath would move heaven and earth to be a fantastic father. If they couldn’t be together any longer, it soothed her soul to know he would be a part of their child’s life.
“Children are the most precious gift God can bestow on us. They are gifts to be treasured from the moment they let out their first cry to the day we watch them pledge their lives to another person to the day we leave this earth.”
Penelope Donahue