Woosh. He felt as if someone had kicked him in the gut. “You’ve been holding on to this news for nearly five months?” he asked in a raised voice.
“Almost,” she said. “I’m almost five and a half months pregnant.”
He let out a shocked sound. Heath held on to the kitchen table for support. In a few months he would be a father. It was exciting and terrifying at the same time.
“Why don’t you sit down?” she suggested as the kettle made a high-pitched whistling sound. He nodded and sank down into one of her kitchen chairs as Bella tended to the kettle. She would soon be six months pregnant. Pregnancy was nine months. His mind did a flash forward—in a few months he would be someone’s daddy. His mind was whirling with the realities of the situation. He needed to start buying baby items—a crib, a stroller, diapers and binkies. Binkies? He didn’t know the first thing about binkies, but he was determined to learn.
He’d missed so much of Bella’s pregnancy. Shame threatened to choke him. Clearly he’d driven Bella out of his life, so much so that she hadn’t wanted him to be a part of the process. She didn’t know he’d been sparing her from having to deal with his PTSD and depression. He’d done the loving thing, even if it now seemed as if it had been a bad decision.
“You look scared to death, Heath. Don’t worry. You’re not the one who’s going to be giving birth.” Bella’s spoke in a teasing tone. She was clearly trying to lighten the tension crackling between them.
“I-I want to do the right thing,” he blurted out.
Bella frowned. “What do you mean by that? It sounds very dramatic.”
He let out a snort. “Dramatic? You’re almost six months pregnant and I’m just finding out about it today. That strikes me as a bit dramatic.”
Bella sighed. Her expression softened. “I know this must be overwhelming for you, Heath. I’ve had months to get used to the idea. I’m sorry you were blindsided, but I honestly didn’t know how best to handle it with all of the health challenges I was going through.” Her lips quivered. “I honestly wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to carry the baby past the first trimester. I prayed really hard for God’s protection.”
“I should have been there for you,” he said. “I wish I would have known.” He felt like a failure yet again. He hadn’t been there when she’d needed him the most. What would he have done anyway to support her? He had barely been able to get up in the morning after their break-up. His depression and PTSD had intensified until he had sought out treatment. Although he wasn’t cured by any means, there was now a light at the end of the tunnel. Had he waited too long to reach out to Bella? From the looks of it, she’d found a way to move on without him.
Bella poured water from the kettle into the two mugs. She brought the mugs over to the table and placed one down in front of Heath. She sat down across from him and began stirring her tea with a spoon. Her head was tipped down so he couldn’t see her expression. He kept quiet, sensing she was gathering her thoughts.
She swung her gaze up. Her blue-green eyes were filled with a hint of sadness. “If I had to do it over again, I would have told you right away. It was just so complicated.” She shook her head. “I know that’s not a good excuse, but it’s how I felt. I never expected to be in this position. But that’s a whole ‘nother story.”
Guilt engulfed him. Being intimate with Bella had been a mistake, pure and simple. It had been out of character for both of them. They had both been in a vulnerable position after he’d returned to the States from military duty. She had felt as if their entire relationship was dissolving. Heath had felt as if his grip on reality was slipping away from him. He wasn’t going to make any excuses about it. All he could do moving forward was to support Bella and their child. He knew without a doubt what he needed to do.
“It’s not right that you’re in this position,” Heath said. “We’re both responsible for this life we created. You shouldn’t have had to put it all on yourself.”
She sipped a cup of her tea and nodded. “It’s all right. I’ve definitely been getting a few looks around town, but I’ve been keeping a low profile.” She patted her belly with her free hand. “This life growing inside me is the most important thing of all. Way more important than a little discomfort I might feel at being judged.”
Judged! It burned him up inside to find out people were looking down at Bella. He was a bit surprised word hadn’t gotten back to him regarding Bella’s pregnancy. His family was pretty well-known in Pelican Bay. Their roots were deeply planted in this town. His parents owned a diner called the Silver Spoon that was frequented by most of the residents in Pelican Bay.
He needed to be proactive. For so long Heath had felt helpless in the face of obstacles that had felt insurmountable to him. He hadn’t been able to cure his depression or rid himself of the lingering despair and shock he felt over witnessing his best friend’s death. But now—faced with Bella’s pregnancy, he felt a swell of confidence flow over him. He wasn’t powerless in this situation.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. The verse from Philippians ran through his mind. He could do this! He wouldn’t make a mess of it.
“We need to get married, Bella. Right away.”
**
Married?
Once upon a time Bella had wanted to hear those words from Heath’s lips more than anything in the world. But that had been before he had lost a piece of himself in the military, well before he had seen his best friend die before his very eyes. Vinny’s violent death had only made things much worse for Heath. Her dreams of walking down the aisle with the man of her dreams had occurred well before he had sunk into a depression and she’d lost the ability to get through to him. Back then she had allowed herself to dream about happily-ever-afters and happy endings. It had all come to a crashing halt when Heath had broken her heart by ending their relationship. He’d told her it was for the best since he was nothing more than a shell of a man.
She had been shattered. And the one person she had wanted to wrap her up in his arms and comfort her hadn’t been there for her. He had disappeared like a ghost. She had been left all alone to pick up the broken pieces of her life.
“Married?” she asked in a bewildered voice. Maybe she had misheard him?
“Yes,” he said with a firm nod of his head. “It makes sense, Bella. Let’s do this right and give the baby the best shot at a great life.”
For a moment all she could do was gaze at Heath. He was so extremely good looking. Heath. Her sweet, gentle Heath. With his dark brown hair, blue eyes and olive complexion, he was a head turner. Women always tended to stare at Heath. The mix of Hispanic and Scottish was mesmerizing. It used to make her jealous when other women had tried to get his attention, but Heath had made it clear time after time that she was the only one he wanted. Forever, he used to say.
“I would have given anything to have you ask me to marry you five months ago. To tell you the truth, I used to dream about it when you were overseas. I used to fantasize about how you’d do it and what the ring would look like. I have actually walked past bridal shop windows and imagined what kind of dress I would select for our wedding.” She clenched her jaw. “I was willing to go the distance with you. Whatever it took. I was in it through the good times and the bad.” Her stomach clenched as dark memories washed over her. “But you didn’t feel the same way. When life threw obstacles in our path, you gave up. You threw me away.” All the anger was coming back and she had to force herself to take shallow breaths. Being in an angry frame of mind wasn’t good for the baby. She had vowed months ago to let go of her fury so she could make it through the pregnancy and bring this precious life to fruition.
Heath reached across the table and clasped her hand. Goosebumps popped up on her arms due to the unexpected contact. It had been so long since she’d been touched by Heath. It was one of the things she missed most about him—the gentle way he’d always treated her.
“I know I hurt you, but I was being cruel to be kind. I was really at a low point back then, Bella. I felt like I was dragging you down with my PTSD and other stuff I’ve been dealing with. It felt like the walls were caving in on me.”