CHAPTER3
SYDNEY
Moving through the back of the rhino house, I turn toward the exit to the boardwalk where the patrons are all waiting. It’s my turn to interact with the visitors at the zoo, answering their questions and teaching them about this highly intelligent but extremely endangered animal. I always get nervous before I do these even though it’s been over a month since I started here. I worry about someone recognizing me or me saying something they won’t understand.
Before I open the door, I stop and take a deep breath. I’m ready for the weekend. I need a break. I haven’t been sleeping well and I’m exhausted. I smooth down my khaki shirt and black cargo pants. My hair is up in a bun to keep it from getting in the way or dragging through things it shouldn’t. I open the door and step out and move to the edge of the exhibit where people are looking down at the rhino. There is a small crowd consisting of mostly parents with their young ones. I can’t wait until Mari is old enough to enjoy coming here. I step to the side of the group next to the sign detailing our new rhino.
“Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Nashville Zoo and our new southern white rhino exhibit. I’m Sydney, and I’m one of the lucky mammal zoologists that gets to work with Umi. I’d like to teach you about this amazing, beautiful animal. But first, does anyone have any questions?” I stop and look at everyone. The kids are looking at Umi as the parents look at me. My eyes land on a pair of eyes I recognize, and I smile at her.
“How many are there left in the world?” July asks, and I look down at the wagon she’s pulling and see a pretty little girl with long dark pigtails watching me.
“Currently there are about seventeen to eighteen thousand of the southern white rhino like Umi, but there are only two of the northern white rhino left, and they are both female.”
“Why are there so few?” another woman asks; her hand rests on the shoulder of a boy.
“Because rhinos are hunted for their horns. In countries such as China, rhino horn is used medicinally.” I answer her question. Her son looks away from Umi to me.
“So their horn is like antlers on deer, but special?”
I lean down to the boy and point at Umi. “Actually, a rhino horn is not the same as deer antlers. Antlers are bone and they are shed with time. Rhino horn is made of keratin and never shed. It keeps growing. Did you know that keratin is the same thing as your fingernails?” I show him my nails.
“So it doesn’t hurt to cut them off?” the little boy asks.
I force a smile because I know the answer will break his little hurt.
“No, it doesn’t hurt, but they kill the rhino to get the horn because they can’t just walk up to it to cut it off.”
“That’s not nice.”
“No, it isn’t.” I shake my head as his eyes fill with tears.
“Are elephant tusks the same thing?” another little girl a bit older than the boy asks. I stand and look at her.
“Actually, elephants have ivory for their tusks.”
“Why do they kill them then?”
“Because lots of countries and places like to carve the ivory.” I smile at the little girl, sad that they are learning at a young age that not all people are nice, but education is important for change. I knew when I took this job I would be making a difference in a different way than I did before. “When I lived in Africa, we would follow the elephants as they trekked from one country or area to another. We’d educate the villages and locals on how to keep elephants out of their fields, and we helped by studying them.”
“You lived with the elephants?” both the boy and girl say at the same time. The little girl with July looks up at me from her wagon with awe in her eyes. I smile down at her.
“I lived in a tent a lot of times, but yes, we were around the elephants and rhinos. We’d help with finding poachers and keeping them away.”
“Wow,” the kids all exclaim.
They continue to ask me questions but not about Umi, more on camping and my expeditions. After a bit they all move on except for July.
“Are you hiding from me?” She smiles. She’s got me now.
I think about that night three weeks ago. I fell asleep in Tucker’s arms after my panic attack. I remember him trying to calm me. I remember so much about that night that I would like to forget. I didn’t even wake him up when I left in the middle of the night. I snuck out without even telling July or June that I was leaving. There were only a few people around when I left. I had an Uber pick me up out front, and I ran like a chickenshit because I knew I couldn’t give him or any man what they’d want. I’m broken. I’ve done things no one could imagine. I turn so she won’t see me lie to her because the truth is I was hiding from her. I read her text messages. She said he’d sent her a text saying I was with him. She’s tried calling me. My mom even cornered me, trying to get me to spill what happened. But I wouldn’t tell her, and I won’t tell anyone. What I shared with Tucker has to remain between us because I know it won’t ever go anywhere. But I loved it so much. To be held and to feel safe for the first time in over a year was more than I could have hoped for. He made me feel whole.
“No.” I shrug and pick up trash someone missed putting in the can. “Well, I need to get back to work. It was good to see you.” I try to walk off, but she reaches out and grips my arm gently.
“Syd, I’m not mad at you for running off. I don’t know what happened. I just know that you were with Tucker. Why don’t you come over for dinner tomorrow night and we can hang out? Wes will be there and maybe a couple of the guys from the club but nothing big. Bring Mari,” she implores. I feel bad for avoiding her. She is one of my oldest friends and has been there for me lately when other friends have left me or are too busy. I’ll just have to be firm with Tucker that nothing can happen between us. Mari is my priority.
I nod and my lips tip up slightly. “Okay. What time?”
“How about six? That way we have a couple of hours before Mari goes to bed and you’ll have time to get home from work.”