“Oh, my God, Natalie!” he groaned as he kissed my neck, his hands reaching in underneath my sweater. I pulled off my clothes, no longer cold at all. He was touching my breasts, caressing, and kissing me, biting my nipples, running his teeth along them ever so slightly. I shivered with pleasure. We stumbled onto the bed, and he impatiently shook off his jeans. He helped me out of mine and then tugged my underwear off, slowly running a hand up and down my body. He lay down next to me. My eyes adjusted to the darkness and because the blinds were up, there was some light coming in from outside.
I could feel Sam’s erection and I felt myself responding to it, pressing my body against him. He leaned over to kiss me again, this time with more urgency. He stroked my face, then started kissing my neck, my shoulders, my breasts, leaving a trail of kisses all the way down to my pelvis. I could feel my body awakening to his touch. I hadn’t felt like this in so long, I couldn’t believe I could want someone so much. I opened my legs as I felt his tongue beginning to lick a slick trail down to my lower body. He shifted his weight so that he was between my legs, and I could hear myself groan with pleasure as he licked me down there, finding my clitoris and slowly darting his tongue in and out of me. The pleasure I felt was so intense, so unlike anything I had ever felt before. I didn’t want it to stop, ever.
Then I stopped thinking about anything, I only felt what he was doing to me. I felt sensations of rapture so intense that I was incapable of seeing or hearing anything around me. I was aware of him coming up towards me, his body, slick with sweat as he entered me, a thrill as he thrust inside of me, directing his strength and passion towards me. It felt so good, so right to be with him like this, it was like my body remembered everything and I couldn’t have enough of him, inside of me.
This is bliss, I thought as I climaxed, waves of desire crashing over my body, again and again, as I was aware of him shuddering on top of me, moaning my name. He kissed my face again, tenderly now. I was completely exhausted. My body was spent. He pulled me into an embrace, and I lay against his chest, my body against his. He pulled up the cover and tucked me in, almost like a child. I felt comforted, loved. Before I fell asleep, I thought that this was the best night we’d ever had and that, no matter what happened, we’d always have this.
When I woke up a few hours later, I woke him by shaking him, whispering, “Sam! Sam! We’ve got to get up!”
He woke up slowly.
“My parents can’t find us here!”
We got out of bed and put our clothes on quickly. I straightened the bed, as much as I could in the dark, resolving to coming in and change the bedding first thing in the morning. I went to the door, but Sam held me back.
“Natalie!”
“What?” I wanted to get out of the room before we were caught by anyone.
He kissed me so fiercely that the breath was knocked out of me. I felt the spark of desire again, felt the flames light up again. But we couldn’t, not here.
“Come!” I said, giggling slightly as I opened the door and I peered outside. It was quiet and dark. We tiptoed downstairs, going out again through the back door. We stood shivering in the darkness.
“What now?” Sam asked.
“I’m going to bed,” I said. “I don’t know where you’re going but you can’t come in.”
“Natalie!” he whispered loudly but I ignored him, going round to my family’s front door. I let myself in and found my way to the sofa where my mother had already made a bed for me. I lay down on the sofa, hoping my parents hadn’t heard anything.
I couldn’t believe what had just happened.
What I had allowed to happen.
And how good it had felt. How could something that felt this good be wrong? I thought. When Sam and I were together like that, it felt like we knew each other without having to talk. Our bodies had been communicating in a language of their own. He knew what I wanted and how to give it to me. I wondered how I ever thought I would be able to say no him. Because even if I had the words, my mouth would not say them. I thought again of the way Sam had touched me and my groin stirred longingly. I wanted him again, I realized with surprise. Even when I was away from him, he had this power over me. Thinking of him made me want him.
I knew then that my feelings for Sam were stronger than I’d thought.